LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Welcome back, friends.
You'll recall we last left our Jane,
yup, having a fling
with the very sexy Fabian.
And, yes, it's that Fabian,
as in Rogelio's costar in Los Viajes de Guillermo.
Onscreen, he plays his rival.
His teeny-tiny rival.
But you know what wasn't tiny?
Rogelio's happiness.
Because he finally got engaged to Xiomara, again!
And they had decided on a wedding
to match their love.
Go crazy.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And speaking of big love,
Rafael was feeling it for Petra,
and so he told her. I want to be with you.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: But Petra, well, she just wasn't sure.
I know, buzz-kill, right? (knock at door)
And then they were interrupted by the cops,
who said they knew who killed Scott, and it was...
(needle scratches on record)
Actually, you'll find that out soon enough.
One last bit of backstory on Rafael.
Sure, he's rich, but things haven't always
been easy for him.
A long time ago, he had cancer.
And remember his sister Luisa?
Well, she was dating Rose,
aka the crime lord Sin Rostro.
Though in public, Rose wore a mask, and looked like this.
I know! Straight out of a telenovela, right?
Which, of course, this is, after all.
Once upon a time, there was a little girl
who believed in once upon a time.
"And the glass slipper fit Cinderella's foot perfectly."
That's right.
From a young age, Jane Gloriana Villanueva believed
in the magic of fairy tales.
"And so they got married and lived..."
Happily ever after.
The end.
But as time went on,
Jane exchanged that for a more... realistic perspective.
"And so they got married and lived..."
uh, together as husband and wife.
Uh, and they had their ups and downs,
and they faced difficult times
where their relationship was tested,
but they stuck through it,
because they knew that relationships take work
and, you know, life doesn't always work out perfectly.
The end.
Oh, and the princess had her own fulfilling career
outside the monarchy.
The Cinderella we're doing at school has a different ending.
Well, there can be lots of different endings,
that's what makes the story so great.
So, yeah. By now, Jane was over the whole fairy tale thing.
Okay, I'm ready.
Hit me with the wedding deets.
The theme is a fairy tale come to life.
Yeah, apparently Rogelio didn't get the memo.
Oh, wow, look at that.
Doves, sure.
Ha. Fireworks.
A carriage pulled by white horses.
And this is what you want?
Because it's your day, too.
The white horses happened to be your mother's idea.
I always thought I was too old,
that I missed out on the whole princess window,
but your dad convinced me
it's not too late,
and I started to think about how fun it would be
to wear the whole, big poofy dress, and...
Unless you think I'll look silly.
I-I don't want to look silly.
I don't think you'll look silly.
I think you'll look beautiful.
Okay.
So, I'd like to ask you,
officially,
will you be my maid of honor?
Yes, of course. I would officially love to.
And I am ready to take care of your every bridal need.
Oh, wow.
That's a... you're, are you, you're wearing a tiara?
No, this is for you.
I'm wearing a crown.
JANE: A yacht, too. (short chuckle)
Wow.
And all this is happening in two weeks.
Has to. We are all slaves
to the television schedule.
That's when my show goes on break.
But we already hired, uh, Jean Luc,
the best wedding planner around.
He has secured vendors,
fireworks, Malaysian doves...
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Here we go...
Well...
He created me, so, a very big role.
Ah. Ideally, Ricky Martin.
XIOMARA: Mom...
We're not getting married in a church by a priest.
JANE: Okay, you know what, Abuela?
In my official capacity as maid of honor,
I'll remind you: it's their day.
Ooh, burn!
JANE: No, it wasn't
a burn.
(imitates sizzling)
I love you, Alba, but I have to go.
It is my last night shoot until after the wedding,
and it is murder on my skin.
Milady.
Until we meet again.
(phone rings, door closes)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes, Fabian.
To catch you up: Once upon a time,
Jane had the most perfect fling ever.
Amazing sex with absolutely no strings attached.
She and Fabian
were on exactly the same page,
making things easy and uncomplicated.
So, yeah. I'm just messing with you.
I mean, the sex was good, don't get me wrong.
But then...
So, I should really go.
No.
Just five more minutes.
Uh... you said that already. (short chuckle)
I know.
But time goes too fast with you.
Two more minutes?
Boop.
Fabian obviously still wants some kind of relationship.
So are you gonna end it with him?
Yeah. I have to.
(phone chimes)
Oh, but a part of me is just hoping
that he'll take a hint and fade away.
(phone chimes) (sighs)
Ooh. Yeah, he's not gonna take the hint.
I know. I have to tell him.
Yeah, well, do it soon.
It's a little selfish to not let someone know
where you're at, emotionally.
Petra still hasn't given you an answer?
No. She says she's still thinking it over.
But, I mean, how much longer? It's been a week.
That sucks. But it is a really big decision.
I know. And I respect that.
But if she brings it up, could you just
tell her you think it's a good idea?
What? You know, I just...
If she brings it up at brunch or...
I really don't want to get in the middle of this.
Mateo, hurry up, we got to go.
No, you're right, totally.
You... you should stay out of it.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brings us here, now...
I just can't decide.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: ...to their most awkward brunch
in their three years of brunches.
Well, by all means, please, take your time.
Well, I'm trying to decide. It's not like I'm not trying to.
Here, have a pancake. Last week you had eggs.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Do you think they're really talking about breakfast?
Okay, everybody with sticky hands, stand up--
we're washing.
Mine are the stickiest.
Oh, come on, Mateo!
I got him. (sighs)
(whispering): Talk to her.
(mouths)
Can we talk?
Oh, um, yeah, sure. About?
Oh, stop it, I know he told you about his big... declaration.
So what do you think about all this?
I think it's between you two.
That's ridiculous. You always have an opinion.
This is the one time I actually want it.
I'm staying out of it.
No matter how nicely you ask.
I have no opinion.
Of course I have an opinion.
It's a horrible idea.
Actually, that's not even an opinion,
it's just a fact.
They're terrible together. Volatile, mean.
And now there are kids involved. And two families.
Who are in really good places.
Nope.
Not my place.
(doorbell rings) (gasps)
That must be Jean Luc.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah yes, the famed wedding planner.
Oh, hi.
I didn't realize that there were two of you.
My parents will be here any minute,
they're just stuck in traffic.
So... how long
have you two been planning weddings together?
Ugh.
(both speaking French)
Eight years.
Oh, wow.
Well, I can tell you a little about what they want.
I'm sure you heard that they're going for
the full fairy tale.
Ugh. Hate it. What?
Your mother can't do fairy tale.
She's too old. I have to agree.
And we never agree.
Well, I don't agree.
And, more importantly, she doesn't agree.
It's what she wants.
She'll look, uh, ridiculous in a poofy dress.
Totally, uh, ridiculous.
Well, you're entitled to your opinion,
of course, but I'd really rather
you not say that in front of my mom.
Of course we'll say it, that's what we're being paid for.
She has her heart set on this.
We'll have our names on it.
I don't care! (car approaches)
Look, they're here. My mom
wants a full fairy tale wedding, and neither of you
are gonna make her feel bad about that. Got it?
Got it. Understood.
(exhales)
Oh, wait, what? Wait, where-where are you going?
We cannot work like this.
JEAN: I have to agree. And we
never agree. (stammers)
Oh, hi, hello, sorry we're late.
What'd we miss? Oh, we quit.
Creative differences? What didn't they like? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Your age.
I don't know. I'm-I'm sorry.
It was my fault. I was pushy.
No, it's fine. Totally fine.
Just the wedding is so soon.
Yeah, and Jean Luc had great deals with vendors.
So... it's not fine?
We'll hire someone else. Who cares what it costs?
No, we have to stay in our budget. It's already huge.
Maybe we can plan it ourselves.
I can't plan a wedding with my shooting schedule.
Rogelio...
This is not the time for budgets!
I'll do it.
I'm done with my novel.
I have time. Plus, you already know the vendors you want
to use, it's just a matter of organizing and negotiating,
which I can do.
Let me do this for you.
As your maid of honor.
Okay, if you insist.
(exhales)
I am entrusting this to you.
♪ ♪
Hey, Krishna, can you add karate pick-up for me
at 3:30? You'll be cutting it close,
you've got your appointment with Dr. Osmani.
Uh, just reschedule that.
Your oncologist? You can't reschedule.
It's just my annual screening.
I know, and you can't push it.
Just tell the doctor I'll be 15 late.
Great.
Oh, and your sister called.
What? Why didn't you tell me?
She said she'd call you back at 2:30 sharp.
Go, run, run!
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I know what you're thinking:
run where? What's going on?
Well, remember this?
We just got the composite sketch of the woman
Chuck Chesser saw on the beach the night of Scott's murder.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Here's what you didn't see.
Chuck Chesser clearly described your sister's girlfriend.
PETRA: Eileen?
She killed Scott?
RAFAEL: It must be connected to Rose.
I knew my sister was still involved with her.
Luisa,
hi.
LUISA: Rafael, hey!
Uh, it's-it's good to hear from you.
Um, I... You know, I've been trying to get in touch.
I know. I got your message.
We haven't had great reception.
We're in the desert.
RAFAEL: Yeah. No, no, no, I-I... get it.
Um, but, uh, look, I called because,
you know, we still need to have that board meeting
and, you know, you just... you just ran off.
(sighs) I know, I'm really sorry,
but we'll come back soon, okay?
Well, how soon? Uh, I can't... You know,
I can't plan a meeting without a firm date.
I'll let you know, but right now
I have to go. No.
Uh, wait. I have to.
The camels are here, the tour is starting. Wait.
No, uh, just... I just want to know-- why'd you leave?
It was so sudden. Did I-did I do something?
Of course not.
We'll catch up later, okay?
Sorry.
But it's... it's hard.
You know that I want to have
a better relationship with him.
And you know that we have to make sure
he's not working with the cops.
He's not.
Trust me, I know my brother.
Were you able to trace it?
No.
Hopefully she comes back to town soon.
We can't go back anytime soon.
Come on.
We can go anywhere else
in the world. Hmm?
I'll even put on that uncomfortable mask.
JANE: I booked your makeup and hair
and I got the caterers to go down $20 a head
as long as Dad moves off that whole thing
about all the desserts being lavender.
Brr... Oh, and one thing: the horses. For the carriage.
It's short notice and it turns out white horses are really
hard to come by. I found a speckled horse
that's... Oh...
You're disappointed?
I know it's dumb,
but I-I've always pictured white horses.
It's absolutely not dumb.
I will find you white horses.
Thank you. White will just pop more,
you know? Oh, it sure will.
(knocking at door)
Oh, that better not be Jean and Luc
trying to get their job back,
because I am killing it on my own.
Hi. So I need to talk to you about this Rafael situation.
Petra, look... And I don't care if you don't want to be in the middle. I need
to talk this over with someone and you're my only real friend.
So I don't know what to do. I mean,
according to your mom's bridal magazine, we're doomed.
"Do you bring out the best in each other?"
No, definitely not.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes. To recap
Petra and Rafael's fairy tale...
I mean, it took so long to get over him, Jane.
I know. And now he wants to open all that up again?
How is that fair?
Plus, we were terrible together.
Is he forgetting that?
And now we have this good relationship.
And these two great, happy kids.
When I think about messing all that up,
I mean, it just...
doesn't seem worth it.
Right?
What do you think?
I think...
...that makes a lot of sense.
ROGELIO: It is absolutely worth it.
No, it's not.
The cakes aren't gonna be lavender, get over it.
We have to move quickly, you're getting married so soon.
Now listen, I want to go over some st...
Oh. Aw, shoot.
Why are you avoiding Fabian?
I have to end it and I'm kind of dreading it.
I know, I know, I'll do it.
What, why are you staring at me?
Just... are you 100% sure you want to break up with him?
Yes. (short whimper)
What did you do?
I dropped off an invitation to the wedding.
What? Why?
I thought it was going great
and you'd want to bring him.
Oh... Ooh.
Okay, well, has he seen it yet? No.
I-I put it in his dressing room. And we're about to shoot.
(knocking at door)
Ah!
(exhales)
(gasps)
Jane?
What... Hi.
Hi. I was just grabbing my phone.
You're probably wondering why I'm in here.
Well, I assume it's to make love.
Let's do it, they'll wait on set.
Oh, no, no, you can keep your shirt on.
I'm not here for that.
Well-well, then why are you here?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And that's when she saw it.
Oh, yes, my last show.
Thanks to the trainer I became a very good rider. I love horsies.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And, friends, it felt like
one of those twists of fate
you only find in fairy tales.
Or telenovelas.
And do you still know the horsie trainer?
Oh yes, we go riding at least once a month.
Wow. Because, as it happens,
I am in the market to rent some white horses
just like that one.
That's great. My friend will help you out for sure.
Oh, thank you.
Of course. Anything for my special lady.
So, why are you here again?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And at that moment, our heroine weighed her options.
To give you this invitation to my parents' wedding.
You want me to go with you?
I sure do.
Oh, I'd love to.
Yay! (laughs) I'm so glad!
Of course I feel guilty using Fabian
and his equine connections.
But it's for a good cause.
It's not every day that my parents get married.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: True. This is only
their second marriage and third engagement.
In fact, I'm pretty sure that if Fabian understood
how much it means to me to give my parents the perfect wedding,
he wouldn't even mind.
Okay, fine, he'd be pissed.
But it's not like I'm gonna keep having sex with him.
I'm not totally lying.
He wants more
a-and I'm open to more if...
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: He has a personality transplant.
...we have a great time at the wedding.
Mm-hmm.
ROGELIO: Be careful with the frown face.
You are too young to get lines.
What's bringing you down?
I just got some pretty heartbreaking news.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: His shirtless scene was cut.
Jane told you, huh?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Uh-oh.
I get it.
Breakups are hard.
But there are other fish in the sea, and...
with a chest as powerful as Poseidon himself,
you can catch any of them.
So Jane told you she was going to break up with me?
Of course, we're very close.
Plus, I am great at keeping secrets.
Okay, so in this next shot, Rogelio climbs the vine
to get to the top of the table. Then we push in
on Fabian, and your wheels are turning.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Sort of like this.
Got it?
Yeah. I got it.
Perfect.
And action.
(knocking at door)
Rafael.
Can we talk?
You're ready?
Yes.
Sorry. I-It was just a lot.
And, um, surprising.
I know.
But listen, now that I've processed,
I've decided.
I don't want us to go there.
What?
We tried.
It didn't work.
Are you saying you don't have feelings for me?
I'm saying that what we have now is good.
With us, with the kids.
I-If it doesn't work...
But if it does...
we could be happy. We're happy now.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Sure have a funny way of showing it.
Petra... Stop.
I thought about it a lot,
I-I talked it over with a friend.
This is better.
For all of us.
JANE: It's not as romantic as Ricky Martin,
but we have to have a backup plan.
Oprah?
Dad. Okay, Gayle.
(sighs) I found this Unitarian minister.
She seems really great.
Mom wants to meet her today.
What time can you do?
2:00. Okay, I'll schedule it.
Don't be late, though.
Jane. I'll be there at 2:00.
I know how important it is.
This scene won't take long to shoot.
MRS. TAUB: So, rehearsals
are just running a few minutes long.
They'll be right out, and the kids
are very excited about tomorrow's performances.
(Jane sighs) What did you say to Petra?
Uh, what?
Oh, please. She said she talked to a friend.
It was clearly you.
What happened to staying out of it?
She just showed up at my house asking for advice.
So you sabotaged me? I didn't sabotage anything.
I hardly talked. I just sat there listening
to all the reasons why she thought it wasn't a good idea. You were supposed
to tell her all the reasons why you thought that it was.
But I don't think it is.
Well, that's your opinion.
Exactly. And you were the one who asked me to get involved.
(phone rings)
Hi, Krishna.
I have your oncologist on the line with your test results.
(sighs)
Okay. Um, put her through.
I forgot my line.
No problem, let's just go again.
Okay. (grunts)
And, action.
I forgot again. I feel so stupid.
You say "got it."
That's the whole line.
Got it.
Hey, I just said the line.
Can we shoot now, please?
Um, I'm feeling a little shiny.
Can I get a touch-up?
What are you doing?
You and I both know you never get shiny
because you have perfect skin.
I demand to know what's going on.
What's going on is that your treacherous daughter
is using me for my horsies.
What are you talking about? She didn't break up with me,
but thanks to you I know that she was going to.
So let's just say, it's gonna take me a while
to remember the lines.
And you might not make it to your 2:00 appointment.
(sighs)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brings us here, now.
(sighs)
(phone chimes, goose honks)
(geese honk)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Uh-oh. Apparently, Fabian's
just led Jane on a wild goose chase.
With nary a golden egg in sight.
What do you mean, Dad never showed up?
Apparently, Fabian kept intentionally
screwing up his lines so Rogelio couldn't leave.
(sighing): Oh, no. This is my fault.
I-I tried to use Fabian for his horses
and now he's taking it out on Dad.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: A tale as old as time.
(sighs) I am so sorry, Ma.
Don't feel bad.
I'm just stressed and overwhelmed
with all this wedding planning.
I'm actually thinking
maybe we should just skip the stag party tomorrow.
What? No. No way.
The whole thing is my fault and I'm going to fix it.
And there's nothing that you can do or anything.
I just-- I wanted you to know
that I just got some bad news
from my doctor... my annual.
Anyway, I guess,
my cancer is back.
So...
call me, okay?
Let's hope she falls for it.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I mean...
I did for a minute.
I have to go see him.
It's not a good time.
To have cancer?
I'm going.
Are you coming with me or not?
(sneezes)
Sorry. Allergies.
You don't have allergies.
Yes, I do. I am allergic to terrible acting
and there's a lot of it in the air right now.
Don't. DIRECTOR: Cut. Guys, come on.
We've got a lot to shoot today.
Let's reset and go again.
Jane. Jane.
Hi.
Fabian, can we talk?
Talk.
Um, look.
I'm sorry.
It was wrong of me to try to use you like that.
But don't blame my dad for what happened between us, blame me.
Oh, I do blame you. I blame you completely.
You're a heartless slut and I wish I'd never met you.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Did he just call her a slut?
Did you just call her a slut?
Did you just call me a slut?
Don't you dare
talk to my daughter that way!
Well, you should have never brought your daughter
to the set in the first place.
Tempting me with her goji berries.
ROGELIO: Jane is always welcome on set.
And she can bring any type of berries she wants.
Well, I refuse to continue shooting as long as she's here.
I am Rogelio de la Vega!
You do not want to make an enemy out of me!
JANE: Dad. Please, both of you,
just stop, just calm down.
I will not calm down!
We will fight.
My dad is not going to fight you.
Oh, we're fighting.
Crew lunch in the parking lot. (bell rings)
CREW MEMBER: That's lunch.
(cheering)
No hitting in the face. Obviously.
FABIAN: Or the hair. ROGELIO: Of course.
Everything else is fair game.
I feel like I'm in Jurassic Park about to fight a dinosaur.
When I knock you on your ass
I hope your butt implants don't explode.
FABIAN: That was a necessary procedure
to cushion my weak tailbone.
(Rogelio grunts)
Both of you stop this right now.
You're being ridiculous.
Whoa! Stop this right now!
(shrieks) What are you doing here? I'm trying to defend your honor.
I don't need you to defend my honor, please, Dad.
Just calm down, I'll handle this.
Listen to me.
I'm sorry about the way that I handled things.
I know I hurt you.
I clearly meant nothing to you. Less than nothing.
Dad. Coward.
That is not true.
I've only slept with one other man in my whole life.
You're the first person that I slept with
since my husband died.
And trust me, that does mean something.
So please don't fight with my father.
(sighs)
Ah.
No hard feelings?
For the sake of my daughter, I will let bygones be bygones.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Aw. Jane the peacemaker.
Dad!
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Whoa. Looks like Jane's
boxing training with Dennis really paid off.
My nose! I think you broke it!
My God. I am so sorry. (groans)
Uh, it was just instinct.
You were gonna punch my dad.
In the face.
That's it. I'm done. I-I can't work with him.
ROGELIO: I can't work with him either.
It's him or me. It's him or me.
Girls, come on, hurry up.
We don't want to be late for your performance... Oh.
When did you get here?
Uh, just now.
Oh.
Are you okay?
Yep, fine.
No. I'm not fine.
You know what? I don't care if I turned you down.
We're still family and you still have to tell me.
What are you talking about?
I heard you on the phone
telling someone your cancer's back.
What? No.
No. That was just to get Luisa and Eileen back to Miami.
Wh-what?
I'm working with the police, okay?
I just left her the message. I'm fine.
Oh, thank God.
I'm fine.
Girls, come. The stage awaits.
Yay. My shoe fits perfectly.
ELLIE: Let's hug.
And they lived happily ever after.
And they all got good jobs.
The end.
(cheering and applause)
Oh. Good job, buddy.
Girls!
Daddy. That was amazing.
Oh. I'm so proud of you. (Petra giggles)
♪ ♪
Hey, buddy, you were amazing.
You did so great!
MATEO: Thanks. Can I get a cookie?
Yes, you can. (smooches)
Go on.
So, um, I'm sorry.
About earlier. You were right.
If I ask you to get involved,
then I have to accept your opinion.
Even if I don't like it.
Thanks.
NETWORK EXECUTIVE: The world does not revolve around you.
Grown men fistfighting?
(both speaking at once)
You think I like babysitting?
Now, you are going to make up what you didn't get yesterday,
or there will be consequences.
Understand?
(phone ringing)
Are you on your way?
What?
I'm so sorry. I just can't leave now.
It's our bachelor-bachelorette.
The bosses are here. What?!
It's not my fault. It never is.
Okay, that's not fair. I agree.
You've missed every single appointment,
and I'm having to do everything by myself!
So hire a wedding planner.
I don't want a wedding planner!
I wanted to plan it with you.
Rogelio, we need you.
I'm sorry, Xo, about all of this,
but I'm at work. I have to go.
We'll talk later, okay?
Have a good shoot.
(sighs)
(door chirps)
Hey, hey, hey, who's ready to party?
I cancelled it.
What? I just texted everyone.
Your dad's working, and...
I don't know-- I-I'm just not up for it.
And I know you're disappointed.
Yeah, but it's... it's your night.
Honestly, I'm really not up for it, either.
What's going on? Ugh.
Please? It'll take my mind off things.
Can we at least have a shot first?
Oh, perfect.
Ooh!
So I'm standing there,
watching Raf go to Petra, and...
I just had this feeling, like...
(sighs) I felt...
Jealous?
No. No, no, no, it was... it was not jealous.
I-I mean, it's not romantic.
But maybe...
jealous of what they would have as a family.
Yeah. I understand that.
(sighs)
Plus, you're so used to being in the middle of everything.
What?
Like in our family, in your relationships,
you've always been right in the center.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: The heroine, as it were.
It's hard being on the outside.
I need another drink.
(laughs)
Hey. Whoa.
Just tell me the truth.
Why did Jean Luc quit?
Creative differences.
What does that mean?!
Tell me!
Okay, fine!
They rained on your fairy tale parade.
Oh, no!
I knew it. It's stupid. No way.
They're stupid.
No, they're experts.
Not in what you and Dad have.
After all you went through,
finding your way back,
you deserve your fairy tale ending.
You do, too.
I had it.
And you'll have it again.
I hope so.
I'd like to.
Aw.
What? (sniffles)
(voice breaking): You said you want to...
Ma... stop crying.
I can't. I just
feel so lucky that I gave birth to my best friend.
Aw!
(Xiomara sobs, Jane laughs)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, wow. They're really wasted.
(knocking at door)
Huh?
Ah...
Hi, there. I'm Prince Charming.
Apparently, there's a naughty
little princess around here.
(dance music plays, Jane laughs)
Oh, my God, I forgot
to cancel the stripper. Wait. No!
We cancelled. The party's off.
Is he...? The same one
that you hired for me, yes. He's the only stripper I knew!
He's really good!
(laughing) All right.
What the hell. I'm in!
(Xiomara and Jane whooping)
(dance music continues playing)
Oh, my God. (whoops)
Wow. Wow. (knocking at door)
Did he forget something?
Ma.
What are you doing here?
I left set after I got Jane's text.
What text?
I'm sorry. I just wanted him to prioritize you
because you deserve to be prioritized, Mom!
Are you drunk? Yeah, very.
Huh. But, Rogelio, what about work?
I'll deal with the consequences.
Jane's right.
You're more important, and I have to show it to you
right this minute.
Now come. Your carriage awaits!
Oh. Go. Have fun.
Oh. You weren't kidding.
I'm sorry about the miniature horses.
Apparently, full-size white horses
are hard to come by these days. Yeah, I heard.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And just then...
(phone chimes)
It's Ricky Martin.
He can officiate our wedding!
(gasps) Oh!
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, wow!
Things are working out so well.
For them.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
who's the drunkest one of all?
So, I'm a terrible person.
And why is that?
I think I did sabotage you and Petra.
Because if I'm being honest--
which I should be, because Pinocchio--
I wasn't afraid of what would happen if
you and Petra didn't work out.
I was afraid of what would happen if you did.
Because then, Mateo and I would be
on the outside of everything in your life.
We'd be like the extra people.
Which is a terrible reason not to support what you wanted,
so...
(voice breaking): I'm sorry.
Well, first...
thank you.
You're welcome.
And how drunk are you?
I'm so drunk. RAFAEL: Got it.
Well, hopefully, you'll remember this,
because I need you to know
that you and Mateo will never be on the outside of anything.
No, but it's okay.
It can't happen.
It won't happen.
Jane, when I think about
family... you're who I see.
Thank you for that.
I love you.
So much.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And friends, that's when it happened.
(phone beeping)
In a twist of fate, or timing or storytelling...
Oh. Can you hold on?
Hi.
So, I need you to talk me down.
Wha-What's going on?
I thought Rafael was sick.
He's not.
But it made me think about losing him,
which made me think about him,
which made all these feelings come up,
and I-I just need you to talk me down.
You know, remind me why Rafael and I should not be together.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And so, of course, Jane said...
No. I was wrong.
You should go for it.
What? Why? JANE: Because...
what if it works?
Can you hold on for a second? (phone beeps)
I'm gonna fix things.
What things?
(phone beeps)
The thing is,
Rafael is different now, and so are you.
And you two have a family together,
so you know what's at stake.
And that doesn't have to be a bad thing.
It could be a really good thing.
I-I mean, take-take my parents.
They were a disaster the first time,
and now they're so great.
I'm just...
scared, Jane.
Because of your feelings,
which is good. Hold on.
(phone beeps)
Go see Petra. What?
Why?
If you want to be with her, go... now.
And I get it.
It-it's scary
to have feelings again for someone,
but when it comes to love, there's always a risk.
And there's always a chance that you'll get hurt.
But the possibility of it working out--
that's so worth it.
Are you drunk? JANE: Yes!
But it's still true.
Can you hang on?
Are you there yet?
Yes, I'm here.
(knocking at door)
What are you doing here?
We were thinking.
And Ricky Martin is great and all.
But we want someone else standing between us
and officiating our wedding ceremony.
Someone who's been right at the center of our relationship.
Someone who's even closer to God than Ricky Martin.
Will you marry us, Jane?
I'd love to.
(Jane sobs, Xiomara laughs)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And what do I want to say friends, except...
they all lived happily ever after.
But alas, before we get to ever after,
before we have our love and laughter...
(Xiomara laughs)
...we have to catch our villain, don't we?
'Cause with her out there, no one's free.
This damn shoe doesn't fit. I should return it to the mall.
DENNIS: Police!
Don't move. Hands
behind your back.
(gasps) No!
(distant siren blaring, garbled radio transmission)
(gasping)
(wheezy gasping)
(gasps)
No. No. LUISA: No!
Stop! No!
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Otherwise known as...
the most wicked stepmother of them all.
LUISA: No! No! No!