LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, so to review our family tree,
Jane had a son with Rafael, and he was kind of a handful.
So we would like you to get him an aid.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Petra had twin girls with Rafael.
They were kind of perfect.
Which meant that Petra, well,
she was now queen bee of the preschool.
But Petra had other troubles.
For one, ex-employee Scott had died on the beach
in front of the Marbella, and she had...
PETRA: I just scooched him over a little bit.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And that's not all.
She was also hiding this.
What's this? Don't know. Came for you.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I know. Who has a burn book, right?
Well, Scott, obviously.
I know. Straight out of a telenovela, right?
Well, imagine this. Jane's father, Rogelio,
was estranged from her mother, Xiomara,
because Xo had been portrayed as evil on his reality show.
But Rogelio quit the show in a blaze of glory,
only to be sued.
Luckily, he found himself a lawyer:
Xo's boyfriend, Bruce.
Actually, I mean her fiancé, because this happened.
Will you marry me? Yes.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: So, yeah, relationships change quickly
around here, so pay attention, okay?
They say politics makes strange bedfellows.
You could say the same for prison.
By which I mean when your mutual baby daddy
starts his prison term,
you might find yourselves unexpectedly... closer.
You okay?
Yeah, I'll be fine.
It's only nine months.
Totally. It'll fly by.
(sighs)
Petra?
I just really don't want to mess this up.
Ruin them, you know?
You won't ruin them. I promise.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes, back then,
in motherhood know-how, Jane clearly dominated.
Mateo, please stop it. No!
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: But, oh, how times have changed.
Come on. I have to get to work.
Please don't leave me, Mommy!
No, no, no, no, no!
Mommy, don't go! Mateo, please...
I don't want to go! Please, okay?
I have to leave. You have to let go of me.
Need any help?
No, I'm good. Oh...
No, no, no!
JANE: So here's the thing about Mateo.
He has the sweetest side, but....
Uh, let me stop you right there.
I like to go in without any preconceptions, you know?
Because if you put something out there,
that's all I'm gonna be able to see.
And I want to be able to pick up what Mateo's putting down.
You know, just discover him myself.
Yeah. Makes sense.
Totally get that.
Then again,
knowledge is power.
Jane. Mm-hmm.
Don't stress. Next week, we'll sit down,
I'll tell you what I observed,
it'll all be good.
(chuckles softly)
Maybe I'll just e-mail him.
That way, if he's looking for more context,
he'll already have it in his inbox.
He's a professional. Let's just let him do his thing.
Fine. I'll just write a draft so it's ready to send
in case he changes his mind.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ooh, remember Jorge?
From the gift shop?
And, friends, that's when Jane heard him say...
Jorge broke up with his girlfriend!
He did? Yes!
Oh, my God, Ma, stop it.
You know you still like him.
Now's your chance. Get in there.
Xiomara...
He said the spark died months ago.
He wasn't even upset. He's totally open.
I may have followed him into the gift shop.
What?
I had to buy these. Here, Mom.
They can be your "something blue."
I just got engaged, Jane.
It's a little early for accessorizing.
Come on, Ma.
It's time to make your move.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And speaking of making moves...
Stop it right there.
I don't recall inviting you in.
I know you're still mad.
Damn straight I'm mad.
But think about it.
I didn't have to tell you...
what I did.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: To review...
(thunder crashes)
Scott's death was ruled an accident.
You never would have known.
The only reason I told you was...
...because of us.
Come on, Chuck.
I like you.
More than I want to.
I'll think about it.
JANE: And that's how the hedgehog
and the alligator made up.
The end.
Okay, Mr. Sweetface, good night. (kisses)
How come you're never at school?
I just went and read to your class two weeks ago.
Yeah, but other moms are there more,
like for all the birthdays and special stuff.
I know, but I work.
So does Aunt Petra, and she's the boss,
and she's always there.
Yeah, well, it's not a competition.
Sorry, Mommy, I just really miss you sometimes.
BRUCE: God, you're so cute.
Stop it. I look terrible.
Impossible.
Good morning, future wife.
Good morning, future husband.
(phone chimes)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes, you recall Bruce is
representing Rogelio in his breach-of-contract lawsuit.
Are you regretting his proposal?
No.
Are you regretting mine?
What? Of course not.
Why would you even say that?
Just... I heard you up again last night.
How come you're not sleeping?
Uh, I think it's just stress.
I'm nervous about testifying at Rogelio's trial.
Hon, it's gonna be fine.
(phone chimes)
As long as Rogelio figures out
how to dress himself.
Sorry, I know it's more than you signed up for.
PETRA: What are you doing?
I'm room mom.
Oh, uh, yeah.
I know you were last semester,
but you complained about it all the time, so...
Oh, I didn't complain, I just stated realistically
the time demands, which I don't think you understand.
I do understand. I can handle being room mom.
Again, I'm room mom. Well...
WOMAN: There doesn't have to be just one.
Why don't you
do it together?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ha!
Oh, she's serious.
Um, sounds great. Yeah, sure. Sounds great.
Hey, uh...
So, quick observation.
Impulse-control issues and loves attention,
even if it's negative attention. Yeah.
So if we could just fast-track that solution...
Yeah. Reward positive behavior, ignore negative behavior.
Even if you feel like you want to scream,
just ignore, ignore, ignore.
Sounds like a plan.
Oh, and, uh, one more thing.
Lice notification.
Ugh. MATEO: Ow!
Well, it only hurts because you're squirming.
Ew, don't lick the sink.
I'm cleaning it.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Remember, Jane,
ignore negative behavior.
Or super-weird behavior.
Hey, hey, after I check your hair, do you want to check mine?
Good idea!
Yeah!
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Nice work, Jane.
Lice are little bugs, right?
Yep. I hope I get them.
No, you don't hope you get them; they're gross.
So you think Hannah L. and Finn are gross?
No, they're not. No one is gross.
And you're good.
Ha, ha, no lice!
Yay! Now I get to check you!
Yep. Come on, buddy.
(grunts playfully)
There it is.
So gentle.
Good job.
Mr. Sweetface?
Hang on.
(scissors snip)
(gasps)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: OMG!
Did he just...
Ignore, Jane. Ignore, ignore, ignore!
Mr. Sweetface, why-why don't you go put your pajamas on.
(screaming)
Whoop-whoop! There's Mateo! Here's Mateo.
We had quite the night.
Shh, shh. Say bye to Mommy.
Bye, Mommy.
Hee-hee! Mwah!
Boom! Nice.
You've really got to try
not to discuss any issues in front of Mateo.
He'll internalize them.
Well, maybe that's better than forcing me
to externalize them.
He cut my hair.
Whoa. Did you freak?
No, I ignored it, like you said.
That's awesome.
Well, I'm missing half my hair,
so I don't feel as great about it as you do, but-- Oh.
Morning, Petra.
I'll see you at the room mom meeting.
Mm. Make sure you have reviewed all the initiatives
on our agenda so I don't have to catch you up.
I have a very tight schedule.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Remember, ignore negative behavior.
Mrs. Solano, there are...
Not now, Krishna.
...two police in your office.
DENNIS: Some new information
has come to light about the Scott Archuletta case.
Sure.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, no, they must know
she moved Scott's bones.
What can you tell us about this?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, I forgot all about
Scott's burn book.
And I think Petra did, too.
How did you get that?
Hi there.
Why did you have it?
Scott left that book in his employee locker
after he was fired.
I obviously didn't want anyone else to have it,
so I kept it safe.
Why didn't you hand it over when he was found dead?
Because you guys told me it was an accident,
so I didn't think it was relevant.
But, look, I was just trying
to spare my employees any embarrassment.
I mean, there's gossip in there about all the...
Well, I-I'm sure you've read it.
We did.
He talked a lot about a guy
named J.P. Who's that?
I have no idea.
There's also a page missing.
And?
Did you remove it?
No, I didn't.
Do I need a lawyer?
I don't know. Do you?
Well, I was accounted for during the time of his death,
so I don't appreciate these accusations.
We need to get in touch with your sister.
Good luck. I haven't spoken to her in three years.
(door opens)
XIOMARA: There's no way it will end well.
(sighs) Don't be dramatic.
You and Petra? Co-room moms?
We're adults, we'll be fine.
Hey, Abuela.
Mm.
What's wrong?
Oh, Abuela...
XIOMARA: Wait a minute.
When you say you went for it, what does that mean?
Wh-What was your move?
Now, these pirate shot glasses
are very well-made.
(sultry jazz music playing)
♪ ♪
(scoffs) Ma, that's nothing!
Agreed, but there are steps in between.
Okay, so let's change that.
A sexy dress... Oh.
...some heels, a little makeup.
Come on,
you've been in the friend zone too long.
Trust me.
When Jorge sees you next, he's gonna say...
RAFAEL: Oh, my God.
PETRA: It must have been Abbey.
Uh, she walked in when I was hiding his burn book.
I was just...
trying to keep it out of the wrong hands.
It was obviously a mistake.
(sighs)
Come on. Where's Zen Rafael, hmm?
Zen Rafael really doesn't want to be caught up
in covering a crime.
Petra, I have been to prison.
I don't want to go back.
I know. You won't.
(sighs)
I'm really sorry. Okay?
But this is all me. I messed up.
(sighs)
And Chuck knows?
Only about the bones.
But he hasn't said anything.
Yet.
It's time.
Are you ready for Sunday Funday, Matelio?!
Yes!
So what's the adventure this afternoon?
Sushi? Mani-pedis?
Well, my well-trusted counselor, Bruce, didn't like
my court wardrobe choices,
so we're gonna get fitted for bespoke suits.
Downscale and very humble bespoke suits, of course.
And Grandma's getting a dress, too!
Oh, terrific.
What are you thinking?
Black and tight.
For a wedding?
No, for my mom's Jorge makeover.
ROGELIO: Got it.
Are you ready to go, Matelio?
Adventure awaits, yes! (grunts)
(chuckles)
(giggles, sighs)
Everything okay, Mom?
Yeah, totally. Why?
Well, for someone planning a wedding,
you don't seem that into planning a wedding.
(sighs)
Jane, I don't know what's wrong with me.
I mean, I really love him.
But?
I just feel nervous and I don't know why.
I mean, things are good.
Not passionate like in the beginning...
It can't always be like that.
Exactly. That's what I keep telling myself.
This is what happens in relationships,
and I'm just not used to it
because I've never stayed in one long enough.
Exactly. And I self-sabotage, too.
This might just be that.
And so, I don't want to overreact
and ruin something really good.
Really great.
True.
But... maybe you shake things up a little.
Try to get that spark back.
You want to be sure.
ROGELIO: I have never been so sure in my life.
So normal.
Strikes the right balance between credible and gullible.
What do you think of yours, Matelio?
I look pretty good.
Never settle for good. Only great.
How can we make it great?
It's a little itchy.
Let's line it. Thai silk, please.
So, are you excited about Abuela's wedding?
Will she have a bouncy house?
Probably not.
As long as she's happy, though.
Do you think your abuela is happy?
Uh, with Bruce?
I don't know.
(sighs)
I don't know either, Matelio.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Also hoping for the best...
Did you do something to your hair?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well, me.
With this whole co-room mom thing.
Just thinned it out a little. Should we get down to business?
Yes, let's first divide up responsibilities.
So, I have a format for the weekly newsletter,
so I'll just keep sending that out.
Um, we have Spring Sing coming up,
so you can be in charge of photocopying the programs
and I'll M.C. the event. Okay?
Well... Now, onto the drop-off situation.
I'm already hiring
a parking attendant. So, if you wouldn't mind
just setting up the traffic cones in the morning,
I'll greet.
So, Petra,
I can't help but notice that you are giving me
all the grunt work and yourself all the glory work.
This is about the kids, Jane, not the glory.
Okay, well, I don't even agree with some of these decisions.
For the kids.
Like what?
For one, I don't think we need to hire a parking attendant.
That seems kind of wasteful.
Waste-Wasteful?
What, to protect our children from speeding cars?
We can ask for parent volunteers.
Here we go. I'm just saying that
it is possible to deal with a kids' issue
without just hiring help.
Well, this is why we hold fundraisers, Jane.
I mean, where do you think the money
for the new reading nook came from?
Well, actually, that hasn't been
officially designated a reading nook.
Oh, now you're against reading. (chuckles)
(scoffs) I just think that
we can use a bigger indoor art space,
since the kids aren't reading independently yet.
The girls started last week.
In French.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Touché,
Mademoiselle Solano.
Should we move onto lice?
Yes! This obviously requires urgent action.
So, uh, why don't you just start by telling me
what you have against hiring Hair Bears,
a professional company, to do lice checks?
Well, again, the expense. So what do you want,
parent volunteers for that, too?
Yes, I do, actually.
Okay, great, thanks for volunteering as Lice Mom.
Okay, you know what? Working together was...
...somewhat challenging for the two of us.
We just have different visions.
Both valid.
Totally. I just love so many of her ideas.
Love. Ditto.
No, it's just, uh...
A little cumbersome having to make
all these bipartisan decisions.
So, we were thinking, why not have a runoff?
The kids can see democracy in action.
This time, free from Russian intervention. Oh...
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ugh. Don't remind me.
Okay. Just keep it friendly.
Of course. We're family.
So, serious? No.
Sounds good.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Get ready, folks.
(triumphant fanfare playing)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: So, where were we? Ah, yes.
The race for room mom.
Okay, so they are skeptical about not backing the incumbent,
but they do care about cubby hierarchy.
Great. Thanks.
Hi, ladies.
CAROLINE: Jane.
Hi. Funny, we were just talking about the election.
I know, it's crazy, right?
Trust me, we wanted to do it together,
we just have such different visions, you know?
About where we want to take the school.
(patriotic music playing) What behaviors
we want to reinforce.
What values we as a community stand for.
Plus, the cubby situation.
I'm sorry, that was petty. I should go high.
No, it's an issue. (scoffs)
Petra's friends get all the cubbies on top,
so they don't have to kneel down all the time
to clear out the art projects.
We'll do rotating cubbies.
Every three months, the kids will change.
But won't that confuse them?
No. If anything,
it'll reinforce name recognition.
And I'll make little removable decals
that'll make it easy for them to switch around.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ooh.
Looks like they're leaning teal.
(mom gasps, screams)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Uh-oh. They're going coral.
Oh, my God! Thank you, Petra.
Bad news: she's trying to buy votes
by handing out spa gift cards.
Get over to the east side before she gets to anyone there.
I'll hold down the base here.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, no.
Not another close election, please.
I can't take the stress.
(whimsical music playing)
Sorry, I just had to go to my happy place for a second.
Ladies, hi.
We're having a little promotion at our spa.
Thought I'd spread the fun.
Oh Jane, isn't that Mateo's aide coming?
(chuckles)
Hey, you want to show your mommy
what you did today, buddy?
This is you.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yikes. That kid is not an artist.
But it could be worse.
It's you, Mommy.
Oh.
ELLIE: A dragon.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: See? That's worse.
Ready to go to martial arts?
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
(chuckles): Oh.
He clearly thinks you should rock the hair.
(laughs) Yeah, that's not me.
Well, not now, but like I tell Mateo,
people pick up what you're putting down.
You know, rock it, and suddenly you're "Edgy Jane."
Yeah, okay.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Translation.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, wow.
Hello, Edgy Jane.
♪ ♪
Work it.
What can I get you?
Surprise me.
I mean, his voice was still changing,
so I wouldn't exactly say he's Mr. Right.
But it made me think.
You know, you get what you put out.
And I guess I've just been projecting
this kind of Miss Havisham vibe out into the world ever since...
you know.
Well, I don't know who that is,
but if you mean "hands off, I've got cobwebs down there,"
then, yeah,
that's the vibe you've been throwing.
Come on, Ma.
Cobwebs?
Figure of speech.
So, are you ready, you think?
To start dating?
No. Definitely not.
My grief group said that I wouldn't be ready
until I can get through the whole story of Michael's death
without tearing up, and... well, you saw me at the reading.
Huh?
No. He won't.
You look beautiful!
See?
Aw.
BRUCE: I'm glad she felt good.
You hungry? What should we order?
Nothing.
Let's get drunk and go play pool.
What? Just, seeing my mom
all gussied up made me realize
that we haven't been out in forever.
Let's do something fun.
I'm in.
Okay, I'm buzzed.
And that means it's time for me to defend my title,
best drunk pool player in Miami.
Uh, I don't want to go out anymore.
I want to do something else.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Mm...
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And speaking of sexy...
Alba.
You-you look...
Uh...
(yells) Oh, my God!
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yeah, not the OMG Alba was going for.
XIOMARA: Is she mad? (Alba groans)
I mean, she's not happy.
Oh. Should I come over?
Can I get you anything, Abuela?
No.
Maybe just give it a day. (door slams)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oof, Alba's breathing fire.
RAFAEL: Girls were already asleep.
They were exhausted.
What are you doing?
Just strategizing for the election.
Oh, you guys are crazy.
Oh, you have me down as a vote for Jane?
Come on.
What?
You've always been on Jane's side.
Since you met her.
That was a long time ago.
Things have changed.
Really?
Yes.
So I'm abstaining.
(chuckles softly)
It's only fair.
So no change? She's still mad?
More embarrassed.
Don't worry, she'll get over it, eventually.
Now, tell me more about your night with Bruce.
It was amazing?
So amazing.
But?
But I don't know.
I still feel weird.
And it's not Bruce, it's me.
Yeah. Papa doesn't know if you're happy with him.
What?
(clicks tongue)
What?
No winking.
Flirting with the jury is pretty frowned upon.
Sorry, it was just instinct.
Let's take your testimony from the top.
(ringtone playing)
Ah, it's Xiomara.
Hello?
How dare you?!
You have no right to talk about my relationship
with Bruce to Mateo.
What could possibly possess you
to talk to a four-year-old about this?!
I wasn't... Are you a four-year-old? Is that it?
I mean, what if Mateo had repeated that
in front of him?
I... can't say.
Exactly!
Because you don't think.
(line beeps)
Your fiancée says hi.
RAFAEL: Are you mad?
No, of course not.
You should be neutral.
(chuckles): You're so mad.
I just thought you'd vote for me because my ideas
are genuinely better, but, hey, abstaining is fine, too.
I can see my path to victory
without the Rafael Solano firewall.
(chuckles)
PETRA: Chardonnay!
For everyone.
(laughter)
Call you back.
Hi there, everyone.
Petra. What's going on?
Oh, I just thought I'd get the girls together.
While I'm working?
I don't know your whole schedule.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Then again, she makes the schedule.
So, uh, can I get you another round? On the house.
Yes, my house.
(laughter)
You know what?
Everything looks like it's under control here.
I'll join you.
Yeah.
So, Virginia--
Let me just, yeah.
I was thinking about what you were saying
about the birthday snack situation...
Oh, oh, it's okay, we can talk about it later.
And besides, the snack situation has been handled.
Okay, great! So does that mean
that we're going completely nut-free?
Because that's what everybody wants.
I've been doing this for two years, Jane.
I believe I know what everybody wants.
Oh, I'm just saying that new ideas could improve things.
Okay, you want to have a debate right here?
Kind of. Okay. Let's go.
My vision for the room is clear.
To keep things under control, as I have for the past two years.
You keep talking about the past.
I want to focus on the future of our room.
I want it inclusive, optimistic...
(clears throat)
Candidates, again the question was:
what improvements do you support for the playground?
Ms. Villanueva?
Yes, of course.
We clearly need a new surface for under the jungle gym.
My plan is to return to sand.
It's inexpensive, natural.
It's what we grew up with.
And definitely no wall.
Ms. Solano, a rebuttal?
Rubber mulch.
It's the only way to go.
It's cleaner, safer for falls, and we can choose
a bright color to go with the jungle gym.
There she goes again, trying to distract us
from the real issue.
Excuse me, I didn't interrupt you.
Because I was making sense! Okay. As you can see,
my opponent clearly doesn't have the temperament.
Ms. Villanueva, you will be given time to respond.
I'm sorry.
But what Petra's not telling us is that rubber mulch
is an expense we don't need to incur.
And for all we know,
she's in the pockets of Big Rubber.
It is a proven fact that animals
go to the bathroom in the sand.
Do you want our kids playing in squirrel feces?
Squirrel feces? Is that true?
No, it's not.
Petra is using scare tactics.
Okay, Jane, why don't we get sand,
so Mateo can throw it in kids' eyes.
Mateo wouldn't do that. Oh, no. Of course. What am I thinking?
I guess his preferred instrument of terror is scissors.
You know, maybe if
you disciplined him more, you wouldn't
have to pretend that awful haircut was intentional.
Well, maybe if you disciplined your kids less,
they wouldn't think you're a terrifying dragon.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, so... who won?
Hey, Dad.
How'd it go with Mr. Sweetface?
Well, we were running lines for my testimony,
and then he just passed out in the middle of my big monologue.
What's wrong?
I just got into a big fight with Petra
in front of everybody.
She just, she knows how to get under my skin.
Well, you two do have the hallmarks of a classic rivalry.
What?
It's textbook telenovela.
The rich versus poor, blonde versus brunette...
Czech versus American.
I just thought we were past it.
I mean, her kids are perfect.
They know how to read. They never cry.
They're great. There's no competition.
I'm the one that's struggling.
I'm the one that has to do this for Mateo.
What do you mean?
Uh, he... he wants me to be around school more,
doing stuff like this.
Come on.
He's four.
I bet if you ask him
if he'd rather you be a room mom
or, I don't know, eat chocolate,
he'd choose chocolate.
(chuckles) So you're saying it's more about me?
The best rivalries are not about the rival.
They're about the insecurities
that your rival brings out in you.
Preferably in the fifth act.
Is that why you trash-talked Bruce to Mateo?
Okay, look, it's hard to watch your mom get married,
I'll admit it.
But that was an honest mistake.
I never had
a meaningful relationship with a kid.
The closest I came was with my eight-year-old costar
in El Vaquerito.
But that kid turned out to be a backstabbing diva
who conveniently always had nap time when it got to my coverage.
Okay, but you can't tell Mateo everything.
I know. But it's just because I'm so happy
to finally have the kind of bond I have with Matelio
that I always wanted with my own... non-you child.
I know.
And you'll have another kid, Dad.
Yeah. Well, maybe.
It's funny. So much has changed.
In a lot of ways,
my relationship with Matelio has filled that void.
It doesn't feel like
a deal-breaker for me anymore.
That was a long time ago.
PETRA: Look, I know it was a long time ago,
but I can't help it.
Jane just makes me feel like a bad mom
who has to ask stupid questions,
like how to deal with diaper rash.
Well, then you just have to remind yourself
that you're no longer that person.
I mean, you're the dragon.
You saw the picture?
It's so embarrassing.
What are you talking about?
They clearly think I'm scary.
No. No, they think you're a dragon
because last week, when they were having nightmares,
I told them they had nothing to be scared of
because they lived with the fiercest woman I know.
You protect everyone around you.
Like a dragon.
Really?
That's how I see you.
You're extraordinary, Petra.
The way you handled everything when I went to prison.
The girls, the hotel.
You are the only person I know
who could have handled all of that.
Thank you.
I needed that.
(laughs softly)
Can I admit something?
Hmm?
I hate being room mom.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brings us here.
Now... Can we talk?
(Gwen claps) Okay!
Election day!
Shall we take our room mom vote?
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yes!
Please, get it over with.
Actually, can I say something first, if that's all right?
I just wanted to say,
I think it's obvious that there is one person
much more qualified to be room mom.
And that's why...
I'm with her.
Oh. N-No, it's fine.
Actually, you can be room mom, Jane.
No, but you're much better suited than I am. No, no.
But this is something you really want. No.
And I've already done it twice. Oh, my God, no.
So it's your turn now. No, really, I insist! I couldn't even take...
I'm sorry, uh... (chuckles nervously)
Can you just give us a minute?
Oh.
What are you doing? I don't want to be room mom.
I realized it's not important to Mateo, so I want out.
No, no, no, I want out. I was just doing it
because I was insecure about being a good parent. You?
Yes! I'm insecure.
Now you want to fight about who's more insecure?!
No, what I want is
to end this stupid rivalry about parenting.
Come on, it's hard enough.
So, what will it be, ladies?
Who is our new room mom?
Uh... oh, God.
(patriotic music playing)
Thank you so much for voting.
Cheers. Oh!
Hi!
Mwah!
XIOMARA: Rafael?
The people have spoken.
How about you?
Any epiphanies about getting married?
(sighs)
Well, I don't want to add to your doubts, but...
I feel like I have to tell you something,
because it might
make things clearer for you.
Or less clear, I don't know.
What are you talking about?
Dad told me something.
The kid thing?
It's not a deal-breaker for him anymore.
Wh-What do you mean?
He feels like Mateo
has kind of filled that role in his life.
And I think he still has feelings for you.
And I don't know why I'm telling you this,
except I feel like you should know
because you're making such a big decision.
BRUCE: And how did this reality show
affect your relationship with, uh, Mr. De La Vega?
Try not to fidget so much.
The jury won't trust you.
Okay, sorry, go.
It destroyed it.
Completely.
I was devastated.
We didn't talk for two years.
He was such a huge part of my life,
and... I missed my friend.
I really missed my friend.
BRUCE: But you weren't
together at the time.
It didn't break up a relationship.
Together or not, he was one of the most important people
in my life.
There wasn't one day that went by
that I didn't think about him.
Um...
Even though we weren't together, you're correct.
Wow, wow, wow, what an amazing performance.
I-I totally bought it.
Yeah.
I totally bought it, too.
All right, one week down.
First, let me say, Mateo is an awesome kid.
Like I said, he's pretty hyperactive,
and he has issues with impulse control.
So, we're gonna work on slowing down in general
and making smart choices.
And now's your chance. Hit me up with his history.
Anything relevant you think I should know.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: All right, you're up, Jane.
Okay. His history.
(sighs)
So, when Mateo was 18 months old,
my husband died, his stepfather.
Pretty much out of the blue.
Well, he had been shot first, but, still, he recovered.
Only not fully.
He didn't pass his physical.
Uh, he had to keep his blood pressure down,
but after he died, the doctors said it was pretty much
a freak thing.
Uh, an aortic dissection.
So no one could've predicted it.
Anyway, after that, I was... I was pretty much a mess.
For the first month, I mostly stayed in bed.
What?
You told the story about Michael without crying.
Oh, my God.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, my God.
Whoa.
Yeah.
So he's had some trauma.
I am so sorry.
But you should know, Mateo shows no sign of trauma.
He has a really strong, secure attachment
to both of you.
He's happy. He's not anxious.
I mean, his issues are normal kid stuff.
It's just the way he's wired.
(exhales)
(voice breaking): So he's not scarred?
Really? I mean, in, like,
your professional opinion?
Nope, no sign of that.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well, there are the tears.
But still, they're different tears.
So he's not acting out because...
I went to prison when he was two-ish?
What? Whoa.
Mind blown.
Yeah, for nine months.
I mean, he, um... visited,
but he was old enough to feel abandoned.
No abandonment issues.
Dude, you're his hero.
(sighs)
(sniffles)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, wow.
Now everyone's crying.
You're damn right I'm upset!
Well, not him. He seems more mad.
The cops just came by, wanting to know
if I knew anything about a book that you took from the dead guy.
I know. That's why I've been calling you.
Look, I-I had the book separately...
And what's with the missing page?
I don't know anything about that.
And I don't believe you! Calm down!
Don't tell me to calm down! Hey.
I think you should go.
Before I call security.
Thank you for believing me.
I don't.
Where's the missing page?
JANE: And then I told him.
The whole story about Michael, and I didn't cry once.
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well, you cried after.
Wow. I know.
So what does that mean?
Are you ready to date?
I don't know.
But I'm definitely ready to start thinking about it.
Mom, hi.
I've been waiting to talk to you. I know you're mad,
and I'm sorry I pushed you too far with Jorge.
I just love that you took my advice and...
(laughter)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Wow.
Looks like things are definitely
changing around here.
Everything's different now.
Everything's changed.
The stuff your dad said about you isn't true.
Plus, he's not even your dad.
Still hurts to read.
I know.
That's why I ripped out the page.
What?
See?
You're the dragon.
Protecting everyone.
You're the only one who sees me like that.
I, uh, can't do this.
I can't go to court like this.
What's wrong?
What's wrong is...
what happened the other night.
During your prep, when you were talking about Rogelio.
Do you still have feelings for him, Xiomara?
I don't know.
Okay, then.
I'm sorry.
(softly): Yeah.
Hello, hello!
♪ It's another beautiful day ♪
♪ To win a lawsuit! ♪
Go, Team Rogelio!
(laughs)
So, are you ready to make everyone
fall in love with me, buddy?
We shouldn't do this.
I know.
But I really want to.
So do I.
♪ ♪
(Petra moaning)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Like I said:
politics makes strange bedfellows.