-Ripped by Rapunzel-
("Jambalaya" by The Plainsmen playing)
♪ Jambalaya and a crawfish pie ♪
♪ And a fillet gumbo ♪
♪ 'Cause tonight ♪
♪ I'm gonna see my ma cher amio ♪
♪ Pick guitar, fill fruit jar ♪
♪ And be gay-o ♪
♪ Son of a gun, we'll have big fun ♪
♪ On the bayou ♪
♪ Son of a gun, we'll have big fun ♪
♪ On the bayou. ♪
Wait.
What's this guy's name?
-TIG: Dalton Green. -Babe,
you are, like, seriously freaking me out right now.
Yeah, join the club.
Okay, no. I just had that psychic reading
that Jane gave me for my birthday with that guy
that everyone says is, like, a million incarnations old,
and he was saying all this crazy shit
that, like, made no sense to me
about discovering a new family member,
cousin or a sibling, even,
who had been given up for adoption, okay...
this is so insane...
with a name like Daniel or Danielle.
Swear to God.
Then he asked me if my family lived near the water,
and I'm like, "No. This psychic sucks."
But, Tig, he was reading your vibes off me!
It's really impressive
how quickly you made that story about you.
No, no, I'm saying it is about you!
(sighs) Could you please sit down?
You're making me seasick.
Maybe it was because I was wearing
one of your mom's sweaters.
You went through my boxes?
Yeah, I unpacked them for you.
I really wish you hadn't done that.
Well, they were clogging the flow of the living room
and I was trying to be helpful.
Next time, please don't.
Okay. Sorry, I guess. (chuckles)
So, what time's your flight tomorrow?
Early evening.
Oh, so you can go to Mardi Gras.
Remy told me all about it. He said I should fly out for it
'cause it's so exciting with the picnic and whatever.
Yeah, that's because Remy is like a nine-year-old.
He's the king of the small event.
Okay, babe, sorry, I'm late for Barre Burn, I got to run,
but I am so excited to see you tomorrow!
(kisses loudly)
Yeah.
All right. Bye.
Oh, thank God.
There's still coffee there.
He tried to throw it out, but I made him keep it for you.
Oh, thanks, Tiggle.
Oh, they look so happy.
TIG: What is happy, really?
Are you asking me that?
Well, I mean, just safe or having a place to live?
What are you talking about?
I don't know.
I just feel weird knowing this thing and not telling him.
Oh, that's fine. He can't handle it.
How do you know?
Could make his whole life make sense.
Don't leave me with this, Tig.
Please, I'm begging you, do not.
(exhales)
Some things are just better left unsaid.
Maybe you shouldn't have said that.
Fair enough.
I failed eighth grade twice.
I was terrible at school.
I hated it.
It was just miserable for me.
Nobody understood my behavior.
I didn't really even understand myself.
But, um, yeah, you could not stop me
from pulling pranks or talking in class
or skipping school.
I just... it was the worst.
And then, oddly, I feel like teachers
still kind of liked me.
That was, uh... (laughs)
I'm still confused by that as an adult.
Um...
Anyway, I was always ending up
in the assistant principal's office,
and I became pretty good friends with the assistant principal,
I guess because I was always there.
And...
it seemed like she understood me
in a way that nobody else did,
and maybe was even on to the fact that I was gay
before I even knew.
And... one time, I was sent to her office,
and instead of going there, I went outside
and toilet-papered the entire front of the school.
And she said, "Tig,
"what would your mom think
if she knew what you were up to?"
And I remember saying, "Ms. Nevins,
what would you think if you knew what my mother was up to?"
Looking back,
I'm realizing now I didn't even know the half of it.
Kate, what'd you think of that?
(chuckles)
Me?
Kate's been my engineer down here in Mississippi
and she's always wanting to know what people are thinking,
so I'm just curious how you feel this segment is working.
Great.
Okay, then.
Kate, would you please play
"If You Knew" by Neko Case.
(music begins)
Sorry, I was not prepared for that.
Yeah, I didn't mean to upset you.
(laughs)
No, I... I wasn't upset.
But thank you.
Hey, you're leaving.
Yeah.
Um, you've been so great.
Thanks for everything.
Oh, yeah, of course. When do you go?
Uh, Sunday night.
Oh. Oh, are you going to Bay St. Lucille's Mardi Gras?
Why? Are you?
Yeah. I... Just with some friends.
You know, local festivities.
I'm into it.
Yeah.
Where are you from originally?
Oh, everywhere.
Yeah, my parents always felt like there was a better place.
Was there?
No. (laughs) Never.
Mm. Sounds like...
a fascinating future conversation.
Yeah. Over a King Cake, maybe. (chuckles)
Oh, here we go.
♪ You wouldn't go to see her ♪
♪ And least of all believe her... ♪
Uh, before we begin dinner,
I would like to remind everyone that the light in the hallway
should only be turned on for the length of time
it takes to get from one room to another.
This is something I am not sure everyone understands.
You waste more energy turning things on and off a lot
than if you just leave them on, I think.
That is a commonly held myth.
But what if we're just getting
one quick thing from another room?
Under any circumstances.
Okay, so it's...
oh, I forgot my brush in the bathroom.
Hall light on.
Bathroom light on.
Hall light off.
Oh, look, my brush!
Bathroom light off.
Hall light on.
Hall...
Bedroom light on.
Hall light off.
So, you do know, and there's no excuse.
I guess not.
(doorbell rings)
(Bill clears throat)
(doorbell rings)
Are you gonna get that?
Not during the dinner hour.
Okay.
Hi. How can I help you?
Good evening.
I am Mellie Saint-Clair, and this is Beulah Lancaster.
We're here tonight from the Bay St. Lucille Carnival Krewe.
Yeah, I know Beulah. How are you doing?
Fine, dear.
Oh, my goodness gracious.
I am just so sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
Now, to get right to the point,
you know that your mother was supposed to be
this year's Mardi Gras Queen.
I did not know.
Oh, she was our number one fund-raiser
for the senior center this year.
She fund-raised?
For seniors?
Oh, my, yes.
Oh, she could squeeze money from a clam.
See, we've all just been devastated by her passing.
In any case, after some internal debate,
the Carnival Krewe has decided that it is
fitting for you, as Caroline's only daughter,
to assume the duties of Mardi Gras Queen.
Oh, congratulations, Tig!
That's huge!
Remy, it's Mardi Gras.
It's not the presidency.
BEULAH: Well, see,
what they wanted to do was put the robe and the crown
on a mannequin up there in your mom's honor.
And I just thought, "That is morbid."
-Yeah. -Yeah.
Then I remembered
how I had heard from Uncle Tommy that Tig was still in town.
(laughter)
-That Uncle Tommy. -BEULAH: Yeah.
Glad to hear he still has his finger on the pulse.
Well, he sure does. (chuckles)
-(Tig chuckles) -So, we'll see you
at the gazebo, 11:30 a.m. on Sunday.
I don't know if I'm up for all of that.
W-Wait, no, no, no, of course you are.
She will be there.
Wonderful.
Now, we'll have a robe for you,
but you might want to gussy up a little.
You know, in terms of your hair and your lipstick.
Put on a little "smell good."
Ladies, I...
No.
However you come, it will be just perfect.
Come on, Mellie.
(Remy laughs)
You're gonna be Queen. That's awesome.
Quiet.
Did you forget that Mom
was supposed to be Mardi Gras Queen?
Why would I know that?
Because you live with her. Or did.
In my own pad.
You eat every meal here.
Only when you're home, just so I can see you.
BILL: Well, I don't enjoy parades, so...
I'm sure your mother did not feel the need
to discuss those plans with me.
Well, they asked Tig to take her place as a tribute.
(chuckles): Wow.
Well, that's wonderful.
Well, I'll certainly plan to attend.
Oh, that's great, guys.
You could watch me march with my Civil War club.
All right, then.
(Remy chuckles)
I'm not really in the mood to be honoring Mom right now,
after meeting Dalton Green.
Oh... right.
Sorry, I... I wasn't really thinking about it that way.
What did you think "honoring your mother" meant?
Bill sure did get excited, though.
I think he even smiled.
Does sort of...
feel like the right thing to do, you know?
Did you do your homework?
Yeah.
No, you didn t.
I did.
Well, let's see it, then.
Sugar, Bill found the report card
you threw away in the trash.
Tig, you have got to get it together.
All your teachers tell me you are so smart.
Certainly too smart to fail eighth grade twice.
All teachers tell parents their kid's smart.
You are. You're just not trying.
You got to make a little effort
if you ever want to get to high school.
-I don't. -Well, you can't only do
what you want in life.
You do.
I worked hard in school.
(Caroline scoffs)
And I do not only do what I want in life.
At all. I'm a mother.
Thanks.
And sorry.
(Caroline chuckles softly)
Look, all I'm saying is...
anything worth doing involves sacrifice.
And when you're a child, you can't tell what's worth doing,
so you got to trust your parents.
Hmm.
I may not be perfect...
...but I love you
more than anyone else ever will.
All right, I was thinking we could make a day of it.
Have a nice picnic, as a family.
Okay.
What, are you planning on coming back to L.A. with me?
Huh?
Oh. (chuckles)
No, this is my post-parade pie eating
and fire hose contest clothes.
Nice.
And my drinks-at-the-bar outfit.
Ooh, drinks-at-the-bar outfit.
Yeah, well, there's a lady I'm planning on seeing.
All right, then.
Looks like you're ready to party till the sun goes down.
Woo-hoo.
(chuckles): Oh, man.
Think we can find a good spot.
This entire town is a good spot, Bill.
We can just set you up here.
Believe that's my domain right there.
(truck horn honking)
BILL: Uncle Tommy.
Hey, Bill.
I was stopping by
with Marietta and Harvey Bellweather...
You know what? I'm gonna go, uh,
catch up with the carnival shrews.
Yeah, I'm gonna go line up by rank.
Hey, Harvey showed me a stray cat they took in,
and I believe it to be your missing animal.
What? Why didn't they call me?
Well, you know how Marietta thinks she's too important
to be bothered, since she was voted
chairman of the tree board.
I got to get over there.
Are they home now?
Yeah, no plans to come out today.
More important things to do.
(Tommy chuckles)
Uh, Bill, Bill. I'll give you a ride.
Now... with this snapped on,
well, it'll look just fine.
So, when the music starts, you just stand there regally
as your king floats towards you.
It s-it's Rusty Maynard.
He's the oldest man in town,
but we've got his son riding along with him,
you know, in case he falls off the float or what have you.
Well, you know...
I'm curious, how old is the oldest man's son?
Because he's got to be pretty old, too.
Does the oldest man's son have a son?
'Cause maybe he could swing by
and make sure the oldest man's son doesn't fall over.
(laughs): Well, that's just nonsense.
Not really, because if you think about it,
the oldest man's son's son would probably be around 45,
and that's a pretty solid age to be catching wobbly, old men.
I'll ask him.
Anyway, Mr. Maynard will cross
his scepter with yours and the parade starts,
and then you just wave and stand there and look ladylike.
(Beulah gasps)
Oh, here's the news crew.
TIG: The news crew?
MELLIE: Oh, yes.
It's customary for the queen
to give a brief interview to the media.
-Oh, I... -Hello, Tig Bavaro.
I'm Jessie B. Arthur with WCYZ local news.
-Uh, hi. -Hi.
I have to tell you that I'm a huge fan of your show.
-Really? -Uh-huh.
Thank you.
My stuffed animals used to line up
in the hall to listen to me
practice violin when I was little, so I get it.
Yeah, well, I bet you were quite the fiddler.
(laughs) Well, they thought so.
I-I just need a quick interview, if that's okay.
Yeah, as long as it's not too hard-hitting.
Well, the people deserve the truth, and it's my job
to get it for them.
(Tig chuckles)
I admire your passion.
That's good to know.
CAMERAWOMAN: We have speed.
Local Mardi Gras Queen Tig Bavaro
is wearing the crown today in place of her mother,
who died unexpectedly last month.
Tig, if your mother could see you now,
what do you think she'd say?
"Thanks, sugar, but I'll take it from here."
Thanks, sugar, and she'll take it from here.
And we'll take it back to you, Al.
Wait, did I say something wrong?
-Hmm? -I just...
Did you want me to say
that she was looking down from heaven or...?
No, your answer was perfect.
Oh, okay, 'cause, yeah, I-I'm not sure I believe in heaven.
Well, that's 'cause heaven's a bunch of bullshit
for people who are afraid to live now.
You know what I mean?
(crowd cheering)
RUSTY: There! There she is!
Queen of the Mardi Gras!
There she is.
♪ Queen of the Mardi Gras. ♪
(laughing)
TIG: Nice, you got the grandson.
♪ There she is ♪
♪ Queen of ♪
♪ The Mardi Gras... ♪
-(Rusty chuckles) -All right.
Let's just get your scepter out and...
♪ Queen of the... ♪
Let's get this over with, please.
♪ Mardi Gras! ♪
There she is.
-(crowd cheering) -(marching band playing)
There she is.
♪ Queen of the Mardi Gras! ♪
(marching band playing "When the Saints Go Marching In")
42nd Regiment, eyes right!
(cheering, excited chatter)
(band singing in Creole)
How hard did you rock that crown?
Nerve damage hard.
-Where's Bill? -I heard he went looking
-for Bonkerz with Uncle Tommy. -I hope he didn't miss
my big event, because I pretty much did it for him.
(truck horn honking)
I love how Uncle Tommy just uses his pickup truck
like a wheelchair to get around in.
He's gotten so bold,
he'll drive right up on your lawn now.
Did I spill it?
Why don't you just change into your drinks-at-the bar look?
'Cause I haven't done the pie-eating contest yet, so I can't.
Nice parade command, Captain.
Oh. Thank you, Nurse. And thanks for showing up.
We had a pretty thin turnout, but...
Happy to represent the nursing corps. (chuckles)
-Um, see you Saturday? -Oh.
By the dawn's early light, ma'am.
She totally didn't even notice your étouffée stain.
Oh, I don't care about her.
Vicky the Keg? No way.
-"Vicky the Keg"? -Yeah, it's her nickname from junior high.
-It's 'cause her body was shaped just like... -Yeah, yeah.
No, I get it.
No one ever said it to her face.
Oh. Well, then it's really nice, then.
Oh, there she is.
Hot Mom from the Feedlot?
-What, you don't like her? -I mean, I barely talked to her.
Then what-what's with the negative tone?
I don't know.
It just seems like Vicky would be a better choice for you.
Bibby is not dumb.
You have to have excellent math skills to be a blackjack dealer.
Yeah.
Okay.
Hey, Ronnie.
It's Remy.
Hey, so I was hoping I could rap with you about Jamie.
I'd love to, but I'm working right now.
Uh, you want to grab a seat? Maybe if there's a slow spell.
Sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Excuse me.
That's 12. That's 19.
You know, a scout from the club team came,
and he-he really wants Jamie to play.
We can't do that.
I mean, he could get a scholarship, you know,
if he plays club off-season, and, you know,
I can tell you from personal experiences
that these opportunities are fleeting.
Well, I can't get him to all those games, Rem.
I work.
But I-I could help you figure all that stuff out.
You know what? Right now's really not a good time.
-Sure. Yeah, sure. -Okay.
Yeah. Maybe we'll get a drink when you're done.
Okay.
Bye now. Come on.
Oh, yeah.
-Thank you. -Okay. -You're welcome.
Hey.
-Hey. -Hey.
How about I, uh, buy you a drink at the Rusty Crawfish later?
-Oh, I don't... -What about two?
-How 'bout two drinks? -Y...
I will do three if I have to.
I-I'm going back to Los Angeles tonight.
Coming back soon?
No. I, uh... I live there.
With my girlfriend.
Really? How's that working out for you?
Uh...
not very well, actually.
(chuckles) Sounds awesome.
-(chuckles) -Yeah. It's pretty great.
Pretty sweet.
You ready to head out for the airport?
Shoot. Already?
I can call a cab.
Man, I wish you weren't leaving so soon.
Is a six-week visit not long enough for you?
Not if you're not gonna come back until forever from now.
I'm sure I'll be back before forever from now.
-Are you drunk? -No.
No, Tig. No.
I'm gonna call a cab.
No, Tig, I can drive you to the airport.
You know, I don't know that I want to face my death
a third time in five months.
How did things go with Hot Mommy?
Just fine, thank you.
Am I making it easier for you to say good-bye?
(chuckles): Uh-oh.
Looks like it was a bust on Bonkerz.
A calico.
A calico? That's so far off.
It was quite a shock.
Uncle Tommy is getting older.
TIG: Older and blind.
But we should definitely let him keep driving around the town.
Well, at least he appreciates the urgency of the situation.
Bill, the cat's gone and not coming back.
-You let her out. -How do you know you didn't let her out?
-I would know. -I'm not so sure about that.
You miss a lot.
I-I can't believe...
you're bringing up that again.
"That"? The fact that I was molested
by a creepy old man my entire childhood?
It's been over 30 years.
The man is dead.
You know, when are you gonna let go of that?
It's in the past.
The past.
Hmm. Okay, you know what?
-I'm leaving. -Oh.
Oh, that's right. You're... You're leaving.
Well, I-I... I...
I...
I hope you have a wonderful flight.
Thanks.
BROOKE: When he said "Let it go,"
did he mean forget it happened or just, like,
-release it spiritually? -What do you think?
Well, because my therapist taught me a visualization
where I invited a flock of birds
to lift these clumps of old pain out of my bodymind,
and, Tig, I kind of feel reborn.
So you're with Bill on this one?
It might even be why you got cancer...
because you were clinging to your old pain.
Look, I got to go.
-Babe? -(phone beeps)
♪ ♪
Could you turn around, please?
♪ I drove my car in the middle of the night ♪
♪ I just wanted to see you so bad ♪
♪ The road was dark but the stars were bright ♪
♪ I just wanted to see you so bad ♪
♪ It didn't matter what my friends would say ♪
♪ I was gonna see you anyway ♪
♪ I just wanted to see you so bad ♪
♪ You were staying in a big hotel ♪
♪ I just wanted to see you so bad ♪
♪ I didn't know you very well ♪
♪ I just wanted to see you so bad ♪
♪ We'd always talked on the telephone ♪
♪ But I'd never been with you all alone ♪
♪ I just wanted to see you so bad ♪
♪ I just wanted to see you so... bad ♪
♪ I got off on the seventh floor ♪
♪ I just wanted to see you so bad ♪
♪ I couldn't have asked for anything more ♪
♪ I just wanted to see you so bad ♪
♪ I saw your face so clear and bright ♪
♪ I must have been crazy, but it sure felt right ♪
♪ I just wanted to see you so bad ♪
♪ I just wanted to see you so... bad. ♪