A new fx original comedy
from me and Louis.
Better things.
All new Thursdays at 10:00 on fx.
- Fx presents - Atlanta.
- Like, he gon' keep talking to me the whole ride too, man.
He was like, "so, uh, how you doing back there?"
I was like, "well, I'm going to jail, nigga, not great."
"Well, you know you need to own up to what you did."
Like, what did I do, man? There was no victim, nigga.
Get the fuck out my face.
- My cop tried to get me to snitch on you.
- Word? - Yeah, he was like,
"we both know whose fault this is.
What was he thinking?"
- It was, like, what-- a total trap.
- Man, you see? You see how they do?
- Never been arrested before, man.
- Yeah.
Should've ditched that weed, though.
- Yeah, there was a lot going on,
so I kind of forgot to do that.
It was just, like, half a blunt.
Like, you've been arrested for weed.
It's not that bad, right?
- Well, it's not as good as
not getting arrested for weed, huh?
Look...
That's Gina Simms, man.
That's Gina Simms from that t-pain video.
Oh, shorty is bad. Damn.
Wonder what she's doing here now.
- I don't know, man. I don't think that's her.
- No, no, no, no, no.
That is definitely her, man.
I know that ass anywhere. You know what I mean?
- Nah, man.
Gina!
You see? See, I told you.
- No, she was trying not to look.
- Like a deer in the headlights, like--
- you think he's dead, man?
- I do not know what you're talking about.
And now is definitely not the time.
- A. Miles. 278.
- All right, man, stay up.
- ♫ I'm a real hustler ♫
♫ so don't knock it, that's law ♫
♫ it's all about the re-up ♫
♫ and the profit, that's law ♫
- Okay, so here's the info with your court date on it.
Be here before 9:00 A.M. on the 23rd,
or they won't let you in, and a warrant will be issued.
- So what? I'm free to go? - Yes, sir.
They're still investigating the shooting,
so you might have to come back for that later,
but your bond has already been paid
for the disorderly conduct charge.
- Well, hold up, what about my cousin?
Earnest marks?
- He's not in the system yet, but when he is,
then his bail can be posted.
- Well, what's the charge?
- What's the charge?
Nigga, this ain't a movie.
You better wait till he's in the system.
I hate this place.
- Is that paper boi?
- Oh, man! - Yo, what's up, man?
- Thank god, man. - What it do?
Yo, you know y'all made the news, right?
- Damn.
Wait, for real? - Yeah.
Yeah, but 106.5 the jam
be playing "paper boi" all morning.
- Man, that's what's up. - Mm-hmm, yeah.
- I need some food. I ain't eat in there.
- Good.
The food in here is genetically modified
to make you lie.
Where's earn? - Man, not in the system yet.
She said I can't bail him out 'cause--
- hey, hey, you that paper man, right?
Ain't he the one? - Paper boi, man.
- Paper boi, yeah, yeah!
Well, hold up. Hold on, man.
I got to get a picture.
Here.
Man, I love this rap shit. Boy, you know,
when they told me a rapper was in here,
I had to come snap a pic.
Man, get on in here.
Hey, you listen to Gucci mane?
- Yeah. - Man, I locked that nigga up!
Go ahead, go ahead.
Yeah. ♫ one more for the insta-sluts ♫
♫ one more for the insta-- ♫
Back to back.
Come on, man, back to back.
Nice!
That's awesome, man. That's awe--
all right, man, see you around. Appreciate it.
- I fucking hate this place, man.
- Why?
- Hey, it's Vanessa.
Leave a message. Thanks. Bye.
- Hey, Van, um...
I know you're probably mad at me.
I know you probably think
I'm pretty irresponsible, but, um...
I'm working on something that I think
could be really big for me.
And you...
Too.
- Henderson. 658.
- Yeah, I can explain all of it when I get home.
Also, I was thinking maybe you could bail me out?
You know, and I could pay you back, you know, and...
I guess rent money too.
I guess...
Yeah, so, um...
I guess I'll see you later.
Bye.
I love you.
Hey.
There's no sleeping here. Sit up.
- But... You have to sleep.
Everybody--everybody has always slept.
- If you want to sleep, you got to wait
till you're processed and sent to your cell upstairs.
- Man, can y'all please send me upstairs?
I'm so tired. - No.
If you want to sleep, you should have
thought about that before you came to jail.
- I don't believe this.
Ridiculous, man.
- Man, what'd you do to get in here?
- Um...
- Damn, man.
I should've just went home, boy.
Shit, instead I'm in here, locked up,
'cause of this fool I ain't seen in about 11 years, man.
Boy, I was at five points, 'bout to catch a bus, feel me?
And this nigga I ain't seen led me and come on talking about,
"man, listen, hey, I ain't seen you in about 11 years, boy.
Let's hang out. You know, get a beer."
So I followed him to the goddamn gas station.
We get two beers, ain't get but two of 'em,
but they were the big ones, though; They were the big ones.
Anyway, so he like, "man, come on, let's go
up to the house and drink 'em."
So we get to the house, he like, man,
my old lady--
so we gon' drink 'em on the porch, feel me?
I'm like, "boy, apd be rolling through here, boy."
And he done talked me into it, so, sure enough,
apd done roll up and seen the goddamn two cans out there.
Locked me up for public intoxication.
You know...
Now I'm in here, man, 'cause this nigga, man,
I ain't seen in 11 years, man.
I'm gonna be in here till Tuesday
'cause I ain't cash my check.
- That's messed up.
- Damn, man, i should've went home!
What? Shit!
- Hey, man, i said I was sorry.
I just ain't seen you in, like, 12 years.
- Man, fuck you, Grady! Shut up!
Not even gonna apologize or shit.
Man, I hate this motherfucking place.
Messing with garbage... Bullshit.
- They're taking a minute, man.
- I don't know why we ordered our food to go.
Should've just ate it here.
- Mm, man, I don't like people watching me eat, man.
Make me feel like I'm in a zoo.
Plus, we can't smoke weed in here, so...
Hey, man.
Last night was crazy, right?
Shit happened so fast.
- Us humans are always close to destruction.
Life itself is but a series of close calls.
I mean, how would you know you were alive
unless you knew you could die?
- I really should be high for this.
- Hey, yo.
Here we go.
Ten piece order.
Teriyaki wings with fries.
There you go, man. - Thank you, man.
Mmm.
- Hey, yo.
I just want to say, you the nigga, man.
- Hmm?
- You paper boi.
Yeah, I heard about that shoot-out you had on Twitter.
You one of the last real rappers, man.
- Thanks, man.
- Yeah, hey, it's all good, fam.
You see, I'm old-school catch, you dig?
I listen to biggie and mobb deep still.
But nowadays, you got these singin' ass niggers
like fetty wap and the gang now.
Man, that shit is weak.
- But it's good to see a rapper that would just
blow a nigga brains out on the street.
That's that '90s shit, b.
Hey, yo, homeboy hooked you up.
He made you the lemon pepper joints,
but these got the sauce on them.
- Oh, snap.
Lemon pepper wet?
- Oh, my god.
- Hey, hey, yo, my nigga.
Bring that down, man.
Yeah, see, we don't normally do that.
But my man, Sam, he hooked you all up.
Holla at him.
- Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
Cool, yeah, man. Cool.
- Hey, yo, I put a bunch of that blue cheese in there too.
- Boom! - Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, man.
- Hey, yo, keep doing your thing, man. All right?
You one of the last real rappers.
Keep holdin' it down, my nigga.
- Don't let me down, man.
If you let me down...
I don't know what I'd do.
- Yo, you got that juice, baby!
- Yeah.
Uh, let me get a...
Four-pack of them swishers and put the rest on pump five.
I don't need a bag.
- I know.
- ♫ bitches want to fuck me, I got millys ♫
♫ then I made it know they hate it ♫
♫ said I wouldn't do it ♫
♫ I trap that pack I got that sack ♫
♫ and now I'm running, threw it ♫
♫ w-w-walking with that rollie ♫
♫ cost a fifty ♫
♫ b-bitches want to fuck me, I got millys ♫
♫ then I made it know they hate it ♫
♫ said I wouldn't do it ♫
♫ I trap that pack I got that sack ♫
♫ and now I'm running, threw it ♫
♫ w-w-w-walking with that rollie ♫
- Yo, I'm gonna go get me a cow tale.
- No.
- ♫ bitches want to fuck me ♫
♫ I got millys ♫
♫ then I made it know they hate it ♫
♫ said I wouldn't do it ♫
♫ I trap that pack I got that sack ♫
♫ and now I'm running... ♫
- L. Lawson. 372.
L. Lawson. 372.
- Hey.
You gonna eat that?
- Nah, this is all you.
You ain't gonna make it in here, boy.
- What kind of dancing is that?
Lee, go sit down somewhere.
Guy never quits.
- Boy, you up in here every week cuttin' up.
- He's in here every week?
- He was in here last time i got locked up.
That nigga crazy.
- Hey, look, look, look, he dipping his cup in the toilet.
- Oh, man, he gonna drink it.
- Oh, no, he ain't finna drink that.
All: Oh!
- Why is he in here every week?
He looks like he needs help.
- Hey, man, shut up.
- Don't tell me that's Lee in here again.
- Yeah, it's him, all right.
Drinking the toilet water again.
- Oh, this guy just keeps going.
Ugh.
- How's it going, buddy?
- Oh!
- Shit!
- Hey. Hey, brother.
Uh, "xxl" just picked up your story.
And...
Oh, it look like "complex"
got you as song of the month, brother.
- Cool. - Yeah.
Man, that don't sound like you think it's cool.
We should go out.
Them crazy girls that be over at edgewood, man,
they--they love a thug.
You gonna clean it all up.
- Nah, man, I don't know, man. I'm not feeling it.
I don't feel like being around people today.
I just...
Getting this weird, like, energy today.
- Well, yo, maybe we could go shoot some pool, all right?
They cool up there.
Plus, you know, you could talk to
that little waitress, you know, with the hair thing going on.
- Yeah, maybe. - Yeah, buddy.
- Oh. Hey, bro.
I got a Google alert set up on you,
and it look like "vibe" wrote one.
It says...
"Is paper boi Atlanta's Tupac?"
They said no.
But, apparently, John boyega is the new magic Johnson.
Huh.
Just like paper boi, girl.
- Let me see it, demario.
- Back up.
Or I'll smoke you, man.
- Boy!
What is your problem?
Didn't I tell you that we do not
play with guns in this house?
Where you get this from? - My friend, Alex.
- I better not catch you
playing with no toy guns again, boy.
- He was playing like he was paper boi.
- I don't care, angel, we don't play like that.
Come on.
- Hey. Hey!
Hey, I just wanted to come over, 'cause I just saw that,
and I wanted to tell y'all...
You know, that shooting people,
that isn't cool.
- Yeah, I know.
Who are you, and why are you speaking to me and my children?
- Uh... oh, no. I...
I didn't mean to just get in your business.
- Yeah, but you did.
- Look, I may be to blame, 'cause...
You know, I'm actually paper boi.
- Who?
- Paper boi.
The rapper that your child was imitating.
- You ain't paper boi, man! - Yeah, I am, you little ba--
paper boi.
♫ paper boi, paper boi ♫
♫ all about that paper boy ♫
- Wha... Wait a second.
I heard that today in the car.
I think my girlfriend was talking about you.
- Hey.
- Oh, go get my phone out my purse, boy, go.
Oh, my goodness.
This crazy.
What you doing here?
- Well--no, I'm from around the way, so...
Look, I ain't mean to get in your business.
- You shot somebody. - Quiet, girl.
Your mama be here soon, don't start now.
Only, uh, demario my son.
This is just my niece and nephew.
Say hey, y'all. Hey.
- Hey, guys.
- Well, um, let me get a picture with you, Mr. rap star.
I'm gonna send it to my girl ebony.
- Oh, all right. - Come on, y'all.
Come get in this pic, come on. - Okay, oh--
it's a family portrait, okay.
Um... - Y'all smile, now.
All right, move, let me get a picture with mama.
So take this, demario.
Let me put my head on your chest, okay?
- Oh, okay.
- Take it, demario, hurry up.
- I haven't seen you in forever.
Hey, you remember '12?
Your hair was brown.
- Oh, I remember.
Honey, I was in a completely different space back then.
- Nah, nah, it's nice now.
I like it.
You always did like to switch it up.
- I can move, if you want.
- Yeah, I know.
Yeah, I was wildin' back then.
You remember Larry?
- No. Larry?
- Yeah, yeah, Larry.
Used to come around with Kevin.
He went to southwest.
- Um, I think so.
I remember Kevin. He was loud.
- Larry came with us to the movies that time.
I know you remember the movies, now.
We used to get freaky in there all the time.
Remember that? - Quiet.
- Oh, don't act, girl, you know we used to get it in.
Hey, where you stay at now?
Hey, man, what's your problem, man?
- No, i--no problem. I can move, if you want--
- I ain't ask you to move, nigga!
I'm trying to talk to my girl, you acting all weird and shit.
- Your girl?
- Yeah, man.
Yo, this is my ex, Lisa, man.
We used to talk back after my moms kicked me out the house.
- My nigga, that's a man.
- Wha--no, man, this is my ex.
- Your ex-girlfriend a man.
Why you think she in jail with the men?
She'd be on the other side.
Nigga, you gay.
- No, man, she--
nah, man.
So you think I'm gay?
- Nah.
No, i-- - this nigga gay as hell.
Shut the hell up, man!
Y'all niggas is tripping!
Man, I ain't gay!
Y'all niggas fuck guys up in here, anyway.
- No, that--that ain't gay; That's just jail.
You was on the outside fucking Booty holes.
- Sexuality is a spectrum.
You can really do whatever you want.
- Man, that boy gay as hell.
- I'm gonna stab your old ass when we get upstairs
to them cells, man.
Nigga, sit down!
- Johnny, calm down--
- everyone can shut the fuck up, now!
I know what you all think she is...
But I ain't on that faggot shit, man.
Stop being weird, nigga! - I'm not--I'm trying--
no, man, I'm just sitting here. - All y'all shut up.
This ain't fun time.
- Oh, what it do, man?
Where'd you go?
I didn't even notice you left.
- I just went out for a second.
I did get this girl's number, though.
- I know you did.
'Cause you, you got that juice.
- Yeah. Yeah. - Mm-hmm.
- Paper boi live here?
- Uh, yeah?
- Okay.
- You too hot.
- All right, let's go, everybody.
We're heading upstairs.
- Man, thank you.
- E. Marks.
- I'm him.
Thanks for bailing me out.
- Hey, mama.
- ♫ out came the sun ♫
♫ and dried all the rain ♫
- She won't remember this.
It'll be like...
"Hey, remember that time
"we had to pick up daddy from jail?
"Me neither, 'cause I'm a baby
"and I don't remember anything.
And my brain isn't developed yet."
- You can shut up now. - I know.
- ♫ mm-hmm ♫
♫ mm-hmm ♫
♫ grandma's hands ♫
♫ clapped in church on Sunday morning ♫
♫ grandma's hands ♫
♫ played the tambourine so well ♫
♫ grandma's hands ♫
♫ used to issue out a warning ♫
♫ she'd say ♫
♫ Billy, don't you run so fast ♫
♫ might fall on a piece of glass ♫
♫ might be snakes there in that grass ♫
♫ grandma's hands ♫
♫ ♫
♫ grandma's hands ♫
♫ sooth the local unwed mother ♫
♫ grandma's hands ♫
♫ used to ache sometimes and swell ♫
♫ mm-hmm-mm ♫
Oh, gosh. What are you doing?
-Ah! -Whoo-hoo-hoo!
What?
Are you kidding?
Don't.
- Ugh. - Better things.
All new Thursdays at 10:00-- quit it.
On fx.
You're the worst. All new wednesdays at 10:00.
Only on fxx.
The strain, all new Sundays at 10:00 on fx.