PREVlOUSLY
Any additional points for the agenda?
- You're not getting off that easy! - We're a couple. lt's no big deal.
- lt's huge! After all your many men... - Thank you, Hjørdis.
- Are you excited about him moving in? - He has no idea what he's getting into.
What the hell does he see in her?
l signed the divorce papers, so l'm happier than ever!
- l didn't think you were the couple type. - People change.
He is. Rasmus is there. He just plays happy families all the time.
We can go to Louisiana.
l'm moving back home. Karen and l fought over everything.
So l thought: ''Home to my kids!''
l have an announcement to make before lessons start.
Ahead of the annual football match on Friday-
-we've put together a committee to look at its educational purpose.
The committee will be led by Helle, so if you have any questions or suggestions...
Educational purpose?
- lt's a game of football. - What's football about, Rita?
About scoring goals and winning, Helle.
Yes...for the physical pupils, and for you, clearly.
- What? - What about the ones who don't score?
How can we best protect them against a defeat?
- Hjørdis. - They can get a day off school.
- No, they can't. - No... They can't.
Sports day is for everyone to enjoy, even those who aren't good at sports.
lt's about being a team player and not humiliating the opponents.
So you're a team player... but in the opposing team?
l'm sorry, but l don't really get it.
The rules will be easy to understand-
-for the children in the school and the children here in the staff room.
You're up!
You've made coffee.
- Sorry... l didn't think to... - No matter. l'll survive.
- Good morning, sweetheart! - Morning.
No breakfast? lt's the most important meal of the day. - lsn't it, Rita?
What?
That's right, Jeppe. You must eat breakfast.
- OK. - lf you miss breakfast you could die.
- Noted. - Jeppe. Jeppe!
- He's uncommunicative in the morning. - OK...
- Are you skipping breakfast too? - l'm not hungry.
- Come on. - Right.
Group work means work.
lt wasn't that kind of image analysis that l meant.
Hassan.
l know you like your ball... but we're doing image analysis.
- Where's your group? - l don't have one.
- Why not? - What's it to you?
Hassan needs a group. - How about yours, Louise?
We've already got quite far. Mads's group hasn't done a thing.
And neither have you. - Hassan, join that group.
Come on, Hassan!
That's it, come on!
- lt's lucky he's got football. - What do you mean?
He reads and writes like a 10-year old. No one wants to work with him.
- Does Helle know he's being bullied? - He's not being bullied.
Academically, he's weak, but he's king of the football pitch during the breaks.
So at the end of the day there's a kind of balance.
- Yes! - You show them, Hassan!
The words ''sports day'' still give me nightmares.
lt might come as a surprise, of course, but l'm not as athletic as l seem.
Yes, l'm surprised.
That's almost not the worst of it.
- Can you keep a secret? - Sure.
lt's sports day, and l'm in year seven.
l'm a sub in dodge ball. Which means l spend all day on the bench.
Just before the end of the match l go to take a shower before the others.
l was a chubby kid, and the first one to get...
- ...hair on my twinkie. - l see.
l didn't like showering with the others. And as l'm standing there...
...alone in the shower with shampoo in my hair...
...the boys' football team comes bursting in.
l was in the wrong showers.
l stood there, my pee-pee on show to all of 8B.
- What did they do? - Laughed. They said, ''Hairy Hjørdy!''
- l've never shown myself naked since. - Not even to your boyfriend?
To him, yes. But he's got terrible eyesight...
- Hi. - Hi.
- What's that? - Dinner.
- Now? - Yes, it's half past six.
- Hi. - We're having ossobuco.
lt's been simmering for four hours.
- Are you eating a sandwich? - Are we having dinner together?
- Sure we are, we're a couple, aren't we? - Of course...
- l haven't been a couple for ages. - Then you'll just have to get used to it.
- Yes... - Tasty, isn't it?
Can you call Jeppe?
Jeppe!
lt's dinner time!
Jeppe, dinner!
- Wow! ls that for my sake? - No, l'm going to a Michelin restaurant.
- Have you robbed a bank? - lt's with Dad.
l wanted to try it out, so he booked a table.
So maybe he's robbed a bank.
- You never say a nice word about Dad. - Why is he so important to you now?
He's my dad... and he's coming back home.
- To Denmark? To stay? - Yes. He wants to be close to his kids.
- He and Karen have split up. - Are you ready to eat?
- l hope you're hungry. - Jeppe's eating with his father.
- Now? But l've made ossobuco. - Dad's booked a table at Fiskebaren.
l see, OK.
See you later.
- Have a nice time! - Thanks.
l'm getting hungry. Here comes something!
- Your fish. - Thank you.
- Bon appetit. - Thank you!
- Have you seen such food? - Never in my life!
lt's not exactly Mum's spaghetti and ketchup!
- Delicious. Tarragon or mustard... - Yes.
Dad, l've been thinking.
lt's just that...when you move back to Copenhagen...
...could l stay with you?
- Of course you can. - Do you mean it?
Yes.
- Are you crying? - No. Well, a bit.
l don't know...
l'm so happy that we can start afresh.
Eat! Cheers!
Cheers, Dad.
Cry-baby.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
So tomorrow's the day for your thrashing at football.
l've got some good tacticians on my team.
- Aha, the nerds? - That's your son you're talking about.
l love Jeppe, but he'll never make a footballer.
You never know. l thought l'd never get a boyfriend, but voilà!
What do we have now? Hjørdis with a guy.
l never thought l'd be a teacher.
But l didn't get a place on any other course, so voilà...
And then the years passed.
So here you all are! Helle has drawn up some guidelines for Friday's sports day.
Read through them and note the section on football.
- This isn't serious, surely? - lt is.
''lf a team wins by more than 5 goals, the victory goes to the opposing team.''
Maybe it's me, but l still don't get it.
Helle and the other committee members...
...believe that too big a victory will create unnecessary...
...feelings of defeat in the losers.
- So you can win by five goals. - Yes.
But if you win by six goals, the other team wins.
Good, then l want a rule that those who spell correctly must spell incorrectly too.
lt's about feeling sorry for those who can't spell.
Rita, you might not agree, but this is how it is.
ls this your first little tiff?
- Hi! - Hi...
l'm really, really looking forward to sports day on Friday.
l've made these tee-shirts for the girls in the wolleyball team.
- lt's called ''volley''. - Yes, ''wolley''.
- They'll not exactly make us look sexy! - Not you, anyway!
Sport isn't about looking good, it's about...
Anyway, it will be great fun, so...
l'll see you at the sports hall at 9 o'clock.
- Don't forget a packed lunch and towel. - Why a towel?
- What do you think? - For the shower.
- No girls shower after doing sports. - But you have to.
- We've not done it since year six. - Why not?
- lt's disgusting showering together. - lt's not!
lt is absolutely not. Showering together's fun.
- You can shower with us. - lda says we don't have to.
lda... lda, wait a second.
- l need a pee before the lesson. - The girls say they don't shower.
- l've given up. - Why don't they want to shower?
They think they're ugly. Too fat, too thin...
Too small breasts, too big bottoms. Who knows how teenage girls think?
l don't have the energy to fight them any more.
As long as l'm in charge of those girls, they're showering!
lf lda has decided it's not necessary, l'm sure she has good reason.
Not daring to show yourself naked is not reason enough!
- They have nothing to be ashamed of. - Maybe they think they do.
lt's not easy being a teenager. l'd drop it if l were you.
A big part of being a teacher is putting yourself in the youngsters' shoes.
Having empathy for their situation.
lf they think they're ugly, it could be worse to make them show themselves.
But we're all beautiful in our own ways.
Karsten, are we having a meeting at 2?
We are! The body is a wonderful tool...
...no matter how it's put together.
Andreas. Really good.
Louise, good.
Mads. Not bad.
Hassan.
Jannick, good. You still have...
- Nice shot! - Lucky for me, since l'm so thick.
You're not thick. Those nerds would love to have your talents.
l thrash them so hard at football that they don't even know how to spell it.
That's the spirit. - By the way, listen up!
Those of you playing football on Friday...
- A five-goal rule has been introduced. - What's that?
lf you win by more than five goals, the other team wins the match.
- Who the hell thought that up? - A committee.
Why?
lt's about feeling sorry for the losers.
- You lose no matter what the margin. - l know.
Fuck, that's stupid!
- How many shorts have you got? - They're not shorts.
- They're breeches. - Sexy!
Give them here.
Are you ironing your shorts... sorry, breeches?
Yes, and your blouses.
Rasmus, Helle's made-up five-goal rule...
- The committee was unanimous. - Good.
- l'm going to ignore it. - Why?
So that just for once the pupils who are good at sports can excel.
- But they can win. - But not by too much.
lt doesn't make sense.
lt's a bloody football match! The idea is to fight and win!
- Not to be considerate. - ln which case you'd never win.
Sorry.
lt'd be nice to have you onside for once.
You're always doing your own thing, both at school and at home.
- Does it mean that much to you? - Yes.
OK.
- l don't agree. - l know.
But l'll do it. For your sake.
Can l have my trousers?
- Where were they? Here. - Here.
Thanks.
Hi.
- What do you want? - l just wanted to...
l just wanted to...apologise.
We've promised to take more care, so we have to be more considerate.
You can do what you like.
Dad says l can stay with him.
l see.
- Does Rita know? - No, not yet.
l know he's your father and that you're free to do what you like...
...but Rita says he can't always be trusted.
Really? We're looking at flats tomorrow.
When were you going to tell your mother?
l'm sure she'll come running when you've told her.
l think l'll stay clear of that particular family affair.
- Hi! - Hi!
l'll start tucking in, then.
- Shouldn't we be practising volleyball? - We are.
Or rather, we're going to talk about why you don't shower.
- lda said we didn't have to. - But l'm in charge of the volleyball team.
- And my team showers after training. - lt's just a shower.
No, it's not just a shower! lt's much more than a shower!
l think it's about you not wanting to appear naked in front of each other-
-because your bodies have changed.
Because you have lots of thoughts and feelings about...
- ...what you should look like. - Does showering together help?
Yes! So that you can see that we're all different, but beautiful in our own ways.
- Or ugly in our own ways. - No one here is ugly.
What do you think is so ugly about your body?
OK. Let's go round and say what we're unhappy with-
-and you'll see that whatever it is you're worried about no one else has noticed.
Does anyone want to begin?
OK, then l'll begin. l'm Hjørdis...
...and l think l sometimes look chubby.
Come on.
l'm Selina, and if we start from the bottom, l have long toes.
My calves are too fat and my knees point inwards.
And l've got hairy thighs.
My hips are too wide in relation to my waist and my tummy button's too deep.
- Thanks, you don't have to... - ls it my turn now?
- l think my thighs are too fat. - And l've got a fat arse.
- My cousin had liposuction on her arse. - What did that cost?
- l don't know, but l want my knees fixed. - Do they do labia too?
- l've also wondered that. - Do you get a group discount in lndia?
- lt isn't that expensive. - That would be so cool!
- Ow...! Whoops! - Hi, Rita!
Hi! How did it go with the girls?
l'm a terrible teacher. l tell them they should be proud of how they look-
-but they just want plastic surgery.
You love your job and your pupils. You're an excellent teacher!
l just wish they listened to me.
They're 15 years old. They hear what they want to hear. May l?
Of course.
Let's see... What do you say?
- This is liveable in, isn't it? - Sure is!
l thought we could have the sofa here, and a flatscreen here.
- Playstation all night! - l don't play that stuff.
lt'll be fun! And then the kitchen here.
- And this room's for the young man. - No!
- What do you think? - My furniture doesn't suit it.
Large closets...
You can always climb back in again, if you want!
l'm just joking. You've got lots of clothes, right? Then it's perfect.
This'll be fantastic.
- Hey! Come and check out the balcony! - Coming, Dad.
- What a view! - You can see all the way out there...
- Good morning. - Good morning, ref.
- l've made coffee. - For me?
Thank you!
- l don't take milk. - Fuck!
- l'll make you a fresh cup. - No, no!
l'll make you a fresh cup.
Before the match begins, let me remind you of our principles.
Fair play, team spirit and camaraderie.
l promise to be a fair referee.
So now l'd like to wish you all a pleasant sports day!
OK, boys, gather round!
- l want you to go in and crush them. - Yes!
But only five goals, otherwise the losers will take the cup.
- Seriously... - No bullshit, get out there and kick arse!
- What are we fighting for? - Victory!
Come on, focus!
- Excited? - About when you're going to quit? A bit.
Do you really think that's sexy?
Very.
- l thought you preferred bad boys. - ''Bad boys''.
You mean dangerous guys like you with a low neckline and hairy chest?
Come on!
Come on, come on...that's it!
- 1-0, it's going well. - Exactly, 1-0. Respect!
Some men give it their all right away, but it's the last act that counts.
Come on!
You can do it!
- Hi, sweetheart. - Hi!
Why are you sitting here?
l'm warming up the bench.
- Aren't you playing? - That? No thanks.
Nice one, Mads!
Respect, eh? - Keep it up!
- Keep an eye on Hassan! - Yes, keep an eye on Hassan.
- No, no... - Hassan strikes again!
- Come on, you can do it! - Yeah, yeah, sure...!
- We can hear you... - l love you!
Break!
Wasn't it great, girls?
l'm so proud of you!
- Haven't you forgotten something? - Seriously, are you still on about it?
Seriously, yes!
You can't make us.
Come on, in the shower now. lt's not that bad.
Hey, everyone! l'm your teacher, and l make the rules.
Get into that shower!
- Are you scared too, girls? - You've all got the wrong self image.
Be proud of what you look like.
That's easy for you to say. You don't know what it's like for me.
My name's Hjørdis.
And l like my body.
And now l'm going into the shower.
Come on, what's keeping you?
5-0, we're doing well! You're doing well!
There's only a quarter of an hour to go. But don't forget the five-goal rule.
- No goals. - What fun is that?
- We'll obey the rules. - ln that case, l won't play.
No, you're all playing. Just carry on what you're doing!
Come on, let's go!
- Hi, Dad! - Hi, champ!
- Hi! - Hi!
- Nice to see parents here. - Hassan's been on about it for a month.
Now you'll see how to play football.
Come on!
Mark Hassan!
Team play!
Come on! Quick!
- What are you doing? - Take it easy.
Where's the ball? Right.
- Time out. Come here, boys. - Rita, we're in the middle of the match.
- l'm taking time out. - That's not allowed!
l'll do it while you check the rule book. - OK, gather round.
- This is ridiculous! - We're playing like pensioners.
- And you're to stop it now! - What about the rules?
Do you want to pussyfoot around or do you want to whip their arses?
- Whip their arses! - Yes! But they'll be the official winners.
- Are you in? - Fuck it.
Exactly, fuck it! - Are you going to be the world's best losers?
Kick arse!
Let's score some goals!
Way to go!
Go on, score! Yes!
- Well played! - We're the best!
Which team lost the game today? Rita's boys from class 9A!
Hi, Dad.
Sure, give me five minutes.
Yes, at school.
- That's how you play football! - Well done, Jeppe.
- Thanks. - We need water.
Rita. That was not OK.
- Shame that we lost. - You scored 18 goals.
Yeah! That shut them up.
Which team lost the game today? Rita's boys from class 9A!
The world's best losers, 9A!
You can't ignore the rules. lt doesn't look good for the staff to act how they like.
Sorry. But Hassan will never forget this day-
-and that's more important than your image.
Boys, forget that. Back to the caretaker's for pizza and coke!
Congratulations on your victory.
Well done.
- Hi, Dad! - Hi!
- What've you got planned?
- How was the match? - We won.
- The others scored 18 goals. - l guess the rules have changed.
By the way, look what l've bought!
- Wow! - The latest Playstation.
- Thanks. But l don't play. - Really? But you can start!
So...
- Did you come here to give me this? - Yes.
- Something's happened, Jeppe. - What?
You know what women are like... l guess it's the same with guys.
Karen's going to give me one last chance.
So l'll be staying on in London a little longer.
- l thought you'd left her. - No...
Who leaves whom? lt's hard to say.
But it doesn't ruin anything we've got. l'll come and see you often.
Sure.
You don't get many chances to do the right thing. l have to do this.
You understand that, don't you? Hey, look at me!
You understand, right?
Sure l do, Dad. We'd have only got bored of each other.
Yes, l daresay we would have.
- l've got to catch a plane. - Sure.
- See you next time. - You bet.
What's going on?
- Hi, l'm at the school. - Stop there!
- l have a flight to catch. - What did you say?
- l'll call you back. - What did you say to Jeppe?
Nothing. Just that l won't be leaving London.
- You were going to live together. - That'll have to wait.
- You've done enough damage. - lt's none of your business!
Yes it is, because l'm very fond of Jeppe!
l don't want to see his world destroyed because you behave like an idiot!
- l pity you. - Are you done here?
You don't deserve such a fine son as Jeppe.
Which team lost the game today? Rita's boys from class 9A!
- What are you doing? - Hi, Jeppe! l'm making meringues.
Are you OK?
l was wondering if you...
...could say nothing to Mum about me moving out. l'm staying here.
Do you want to lend a hand?
Sure...
- What do l have to do? - lt's easy. You just whisk it.
There you go.
You have to go a bit faster. You mustn't lose it.
Which team lost the game today? Rita's boys from class 9A!
They love her.
That's easy to do... when you have her onside.
- Should you be able to do that? - Yes.
There you go! A little more, maybe.