Aúpa!
This came for you.
So you were just going for two months, Koldo.
At home the "migas" I made for you are waiting.
- I don't know how good they'll be. - I wanted to tell you,
but I kept putting it off, txiki,
and you know I like to be alone sometimes.
We were doing great, and you go out on your boat?
How do I get you to retire the Sabine?
- Do I have to grow scales? - Look on the bright side.
I brought a stack of tuna for pickling.
You Basques sure do keep your love on the inside, Koldo.
But sometimes I need to be loved on the outside.
Alright, alright...
You wanted to some alone time. Relax, you'll get plenty.
SPANISH AFFAIR 2
It's great you came, honey! See this?
It's gorgeous. Look...
my hair's standing up like Allen keys.
A fine-looking carriage like this would drive anyone crazy!
I don't care if you're Basque, Catalan, whatever,
I'll never understand you.
But one week in Seville at Easter,
and your body will ache to be Spanish.
I lived in the North and speaking from experience...
I'll tell you one thing...
I crap on the Basque provinces!
I'd cure Basque nationalism with one ride on a Carthusian colt.
Literally, this fine steed. Finidi, he's called.
I baptized him in the church where Bertin Osborne got married.
I'm not kidding.
Every quarter I pay his Betis membership fees.
He can't go into the stadium, but anyway,
this horse is Betis down to his balls.
I know you don't understand, but now for a universal language:
Sevillanas! But don't look at me too long, blondie,
you'll fall in love, and then there's trouble.
Get over here!
I was in love with a Basque girl.
Crazy in love, I almost got married in the North.
But no one can take the South out of me. Ole!
Listen...
It's from my father-in-law, for when I get married,
but I kept it when I came back.
He says it's a "lauburu", which is like a Basque Macarena.
We!
You can always not get married, right?
Listen, why don't you and I do the wild thing?
- Fuuuck! Sorry. - It's alright, don't worry.
You've got a style about you, even for breaking lamps.
Hang on, what did you say?
Sorry.
No, no, before "sorry". What did you say?
You said "fuuuck".
Where are you from?
Are you Basque?
Yeah, from Eibar. So?
- You're Basque? - What's your problem with Basques?
No, get back up north. Go, go, go!
Go back to your Basque provinces. You tricked me.
You were faking it. And without that radical fringe...
I'm outta here before
you bring up that Amaia girl again. You're a pain!
Yes, a pain. Go on, time to go, Aintzane,
Kokotxa, Eroski, whatever the hell your name is!
Listen! Do me a favour!
Tell those Basque girls to stop coming to Seville for sex tourism!
You're exploiting us!
That's it! Go, go!
Run! Run! And now she's offended!
Isn't that just dandy!
I hope you're happy now!
Rafa, that Amaia girl did your head in.
- You've changed. - I'm just the same, Joaquin.
It's those girls, they're making my life impossible.
Rafa's not the same. He's been back from
the Basque Country for over a year and he's still haywire.
She wasn't Basque, they take 6 months to get their bras off.
And after they're married?
Since Rafael got mixed up in that street kerfuffle,
he sees Basques everywhere.
We're such good friends of Rafael, Currito,
sometimes I feel his suffering.
Really, Joaquin,
sherry on an empty stomach was not a good idea.
It can't have been Koldo.
He found out you left his daughter and he's come after you.
You're giving me the willies.
- Koldo wouldn't do that. - Koldo is liable to rope you
with his tuna-fishing line
- and wring your neck. - He could do that, yes,
but he couldn't set foot in Spain. I know Koldo.
No?
Take this to table 14.
Here's your bill.
Heeyu
Take away this battered shit your pal brought me.
Screw your batter and your pal too!
Rafa!
What a coincidence!
You know I don't do that hugging bullshit.
But I have two reasons: because I've missed you
and out of pity because of the shitty way you batter fish.
Koldo, what are you doing here... in Spain?
There are things a Basque has to say face to face.
Sit down. Imagine how important it must be!
You know I'd go anywhere north of Euskadi:
Newfoundland, Iceland... But south of Amurrio,
not even to steal mushrooms.
I have a favour to ask. I'm in a jam.
- Have you spoken to Amaia? - Not much, actually.
How long since you two spoke?
- We haven't. - Bloody hell!
It happened when I was on the Sabino.
Later Amaia told me why you weren't getting married.
Before you go crazy, I can explain...
Hold on.
She told me she left you. I don't want to know the rest.
- She said that? - It's the truth, right?
Yes, right, she left me.
Rafa, you meant a lot to me, with your stuff...
What stuff? Being Andalusian?
You're not Andalusian to me, you're Rafa, which is different.
It made me mad that you didn't like my homeland.
I went all the way around the Spanish state by boat
to see you so I didn't have to set foot in Madrid.
"Sabino" broke down, I got a tow, and now I'm in the South,
no hard feelings, I'm great. Let's listen to these guys.
Stop, stop for a second. Stop.
I'm sorry, dear audience, but we can't work like this.
Someone out there is clapping so ham-fisted,
with very little skill
or very little shame, or both.
Do me a favour, one second.
Sir, will you keep time with me?
Very good, very good.
You, madam, a little rhythm.
Very good. Yes, very good too.
Look, it's him, over there.
You can see it in his face,
he's got less rhythm than a dripping tap.
You have no skill, you clown.
Let us do our job!
Watch it, "Scampi", or whatever the fuck your name is.
Did I say anything about your shitty little show?
Where's the Gypsy granddad and the goat?
In Seville this kale "Baroque" stuff is not cool.
Maybe I can't clap,
but I could hit you so hard your whole family would die.
Rafa, I have a huge favour to ask you.
Come on.
I don't get why Koldo couldn't tell me over the phone.
The Guardia Civil taps the phones of all the Basques.
And there are no phone booths, they were all burnt down.
- Let's get inside. - All the way.
Leave room for the others to get in.
Let's have fun, it's a big day The Lady's looking forward to it.
- Heey! - Heey!
What the hell are you doing here?
I'm showing how much I love you and Al "Andalux".
A Basque could lift this with his dick.
Let's move out, lads!
Koldo, don't anything stupid, not everyone can do this.
It's not about dicks, it's about faith.
You guys are soft. Holy shit!
I'll lift this, the Virgin of Betis, Christ or whatever.
You'll see what you mean to me.
Great, just don't drag your heels, you got that?
No fucking idea.
Go!
Head!
Altogether, you brave lads! There you go!
Can we talk in peace? I haven't got much time.
Time for what?
It's Amaia, she's getting married.
She's what?!
Alright, stop there!
Step back, slowly!
Back.
You couldn't have called me?
I'm in a tight spot.
You have to give back that pendant I gave you.
I can't go to the wedding without the "lauburu".
- Now straight ahead. - It was my granddad's,
granddad's granddad's. For a Zugasti to get married,
the groom has to wear the "lauburu".
Can't we let Amaia think it over?
Wait? She's getting married this Saturday.
- This Saturday? - She's marrying this Saturday.
Step back.
Please tell me it's not this Saturday in Argoitia.
No! A wedding in Argoitia?!
Just as well. You scared me.
- Ahead! - In Girona. She's marrying a Catalan.
- On Saturday? - On Saturday, to a Catalan.
My God, the Virgin! It's a call.
A call? From whom?
I mean it's a sign. I have to go to Catalonia.
How can both of us go?
Your invitation says "and guest".
...banquet in the “masia“. We expect everyone.
Is this a coded message?
...dissabte... dissabte...
Just say "Saturday", damn it!
Saturday, sh“. April 17th.
Amaia's not getting married on Saturday, Sunday or Monday.
Well, she is, but she's marrying me.
Fuck that, Rafa!
I can't take you. Amaia will kick us all the way to Berrosteguieta.
How can you let your daughter marry a Catalan?
After all it took you to accept me!
I don't know this lad.
You can't go to Catalonia with what's going on there.
The Catalan "troopers" will beat the living crap out of you.
They're like the kale "Baroque" up there.
I've got a cousin in the Guardia Civil there,
- in Palamós... - In Girona.
...and he says they'll be independent any day
and they'll build a huge wall so nothing gets in or out...
Except their money, which they'll send to Andorra.
Andalusians there are just cheap labour.
Imagine getting stuck there when they become independent.
Will you both listen to me?
I need three days to get her back.
How can you get her back in three days?
I'll have two days leftover to see Zaragoza and Teruel.
No, don't you go! The Spanish Army should
storm the Ramblas with some tanks and restore order. Right, Koldo?
Didn't you want to forget Amaia?
I can't forget her, Joaquin.
You didn't marry her because you missed all this.
No, because I didn't have the balls.
First the Basque Provinces, now Catalonia.
If she goes to Cuba, will you be in a tracksuit all day?
Now what? Why have we stopped here?
- We're in Madrid. - Why stop in Madrid?
To change trains, there's a transfer.
Hold it, no transfers!
A good Basque never sets foot in Madrid!
We just have to cross a couple of platforms.
Fuck no!
Something wrong?
"Ticket-Puncher", tell the driver to head for Barcelona,
I'm strictly forbidden to set foot in Madrid.
- Are you disabled? - What?
Now being Basque means you're disabled, you twit?
Sorry, I'll take care of it. Sorry, sir.
Let's take a pit stop, my calves are aching.
You slacker! If I stepped on Madrid soil, I'd amputate my foot,
no anesthetics, nothing!
What are you looking at?
You never seen a Basque with principles, or what?
Don't let them hear us talking in Spanish.
They'll answer in their language just to bust our balls.
Catalan is a language? But you can understand it!
Euskera is a proper language, totally fucking unintelligible.
Or German, that's fucked up too.
Languages with balls. The others are just silly.
Yeah, is Catalan a language?
It's an accent, it's bad Spanish.
Like how we chop off the endings in Andalusia. It's easy.
Look, you'll see.
Excuse me, friend.
Where is the taxi rank?
Okay, go straight ahead and when you're outside,
to the right is the bus stop with the taxi rank next to it.
You can't miss it.
You understand it perfectly.
Why don't we walk?
Might as well.
- This way? - Or this way.
Okay-
Oh, Christ! Amaia's there, isn't she?
They said she was inside with the other guy.
- I can't go in like this. - Like what?
Clean and with normal pants.
See these people? They're trendies.
Gee...
- Wait, Koldo. Give me the bag. - What?
They're modern, but they dress like my uncle the donut seller.
That'll look terrible on you!
So? Have you seen these people? They look like they dress in the dark.
Where do I get changed?
By chance I've got my long slicker
in case there are still traces of Ebola.
Sorry, the clothes stink of fish,
but they caught me in tuna season.
Koldo Zugasti, yes. Go ahead.
Wait, it doesn't say "and guest". What's your surname?
Yes... Guardiola.
There are a few of those. Another surname?
Yes, lots. All of them Catalan.
Guardiola, Adriá, Serrat,
Pujol, Caballé,
"Cobi",
Messi...
and "Condorniú".
Sorry I'm not on the list, I'm a late confirmation.
Look, I don't get this surname joke.
Leave right now or I call the troopers.
No, don't call the troopers.
Look.
They're with me, Oriol.
Welcome, and long live the "sardana" folk dance.
What the hell are you doing here?
Hello, Amaia. I thought you'd be happy to see me, deep down.
But it's way deep down, because...
on the surface you don't look that thrilled.
I don't look what, Rafa? I don't believe this!
Aita, why'd you bring him? Aupa.
Aupa. Well...
he insisted so much...
that in the end...
And you've got to sort out your spat.
If you don't like the surprise, I'll grab my bag and go.
- Okay, go! - Listen...
Do you fancy a drink?
I'm having a "txakoli". Go on!
- You didn't tell him the truth? - About what?
I told him I left you so he wouldn't get upset.
But you, you're the fucking limit, Rafa!
You don't know me at all.
I didn't tell him because I haven't found the right time.
Watch what you say, I know you. Pau is the painter.
Oh, he's the painter.
Great, and they say we Andalusians are lazy.
None of the paintings is finished.
You don't get it. He's an artist.
But how the fuck would you know? You think Picasso is a Pokemon.
No, Amaia, seriously...
Aren't you rushing it with this guy?
Don't go down that road.
Don't you dare try to ruin this wedding.
I'm finally with someone who likes everything about me
and isn't scared to live in Argoitia.
And when I say he likes everything,
yes, Rafa, I mean my fringe too.
Paulino seems very nice.
"Pau".
It must be Pau for short, but I don't know him that well.
Why are you here?
Good, good. Amaia!
Smile, so he thinks: "These two have moved on".
Could you do it without looking like a twit?
You know when you meet a stranger, have a short chat,
and you know you're going to learn from him your whole life?
I wouldn't go that far.
You're right, my mistake.
- I'll apologize. - Why?
I've learn so little Euskera in all this time, 4 or 5 words.
It was some time ago that I got into Amaia's taxi in Argoitia
and said "Amaia,
don't take me to the airport;
take me to Barcelona
and don't switch off the meter of your heart...
Koldo, welcome to Catalonia.
Thanks a lot.
It's no big deal, in two months I could say "drizzle".
"Arriquitaun". Epa ahí, kaixo.
Your grandmother?
Agur, pelotari, Duncan Dhu.
Txistorra, bai, "kukurruxumuxu".
No!
It can't be. Is it him?
Yes, he turned up without warning
and we were just making small talk.
You're not what I expected.
I expected the typical posh Sevillian, hair gel, moccasins...
but I love your aesthetic. Are those vintage?
No, they're suspenders.
No, really, are they vintage? Did you get them in Berlin, London?
Yes, yes, in London. Or "Long-dong", as I call it.
Really? On which street?
Yes, on which street?
Big Bans?
- "Ben". - Sure.
Big Bans?
Between Big Bang and Buckingham Palace
is a square with a haberdashery on the corner.
- It's called James Mercery. - Doesn't ring a bell. I'll Google it.
"James Mercery“.
Yeah, sure.
Koldo, have you seen my friend's paintings here?
Yeah. Christ!
What the fuck is that, Amaia?
It's a collection the Generalitat commissioned me to do
to decorate future Catalan embassies around the world.
I was about to say no, because Pau Serra doesn't sell out...
- Who's that? - Me.
Then I thought: "Pau, you must do something for Catalonia,
because even though you live between the Big Apple, Liverpool,
Dubai, Melbourne, you're Catalan, you think in Catalan,
dream in Catalan,
- your art dealer is Catalan". - Wasn't he Valencian?
Well, Catalan-ish. Let's not nit pick.
Come here! That's nice, that's nice.
That's why I did it.
And they paid me a fortune, but that was mainly why.
Independence is very important to many people, like my grandma.
There's only one, fight over it.
Amaia will have told you the fuss the Wedding's causing.
A lot of cash is circulating, even for me.
I won't sink so low as to tell you how many zeros
we're talking about.
Five zeros.
What's going on at the wedding?
Well, it's kind of...
How do you say "special" in Spanish?
Special.
I've got a surprise that'll freak you out.
What, free Wifi?
No, not that.
Soronelles.
Dos Hermanas, my grandma's village,
has had free Wifi for 30 years.
Did I tell you the story of my grandma, Amaia?
No? She was the first computer expert in Spain.
She studied at Pablo de Olavide.
She fixed my mobile phone
and pirated PlayStation for me.
Family, this is going to knock you out.
Like when my grandma hacked the Seville F.C. website.
- Remember, I told you? - Rafa, knock it off.
No, this has a more organic, performance, 21st century feel.
Amaia, remember in Glasgow that theater festival?
They have one in Riogordo too, an Easter show
- with real people. - It's nothing like that.
- Well, they don't do... - Emotionally, maybe, but...
It's all with local people...
You haven't seen what l...
Both of you, shut up!
WELCOME TO THE REPUBLIC OF CATALONIA
- What the hell are you celebrating? - Shall I tell you, Koldo?
They've become independent and haven't told anybody.
You're pretty knocked out, huh?
If the Lehendakari finds out, he'll send in the Ertzaintza
and all hell will break loose.
Aita, what's this about the Ertzaintza?
When it comes to "indepentalizing", we Basques got there first!
Nobody's "indepentalized", it just has to look like it.
Yes, typical Catalonia, all a big pose.
A pose? Not at all. This is for my grandma.
She's 84, she's not long for this world.
I won't let Grandma die
without seeing me get married in an independent Catalonia.
Who's going to believe that the Catalans "indepentalized" first?
She believes it.
She hasn't left home in a year.
I told her the referendum went so well,
Catalonia's a word power along with China and the U.S.,
in that order.
Oh, Lord!
Pepe Guardiola Square?
You guys are out of your cotton-picking minds.
And in such a wonderful way.
Right, this is Judit.
She's the wedding planner that's going to make this madness work.
I'm just an expert putting together a rather special wedding.
- Very special. Welcome! - Thanks.
So friendly!
- Amaia. Nervous? - Hi.
- Judit, we have a new guest. Rafa. - Hello.
Put him at a table.
Singles table, right?
Yes.
Yes. But you know me,
after two drinks I'll be chasing the "loose ends".
It's fine, I'd considered this possibility.
Excuse me. Pau, one thing...
It's about...
the independent restaurant menu.
- Menu. - Menu.
ANCHOVIES AND FRICANDÓ
Almost there. What's the currency? I was thinking "Virgin of Morenetas".
Morenetas, yes, but make it 6 Morenetas,
so Grandma thinks we're stronger than the dollar.
Okay, so with that and the human tower people,
who get here tomorrow, it's almost there.
Almost?
The problem...
The problem is with the usual bunch of civil servants.
Right, right. Let's see...
Look, miss, I'm not pretending to be Catalan, not for one minute.
I'm Spanish, like all of you.
This man's grandmother has given a lot of money to the town,
so it's the least we can do for her.
Thanks, Mayor.
My grandmother's from Albacete.
And I admit it, I tossed the firework when Iniesta scored that goal.
Relax, Pau, I'd considered this possibility.
I put aside part of the budget to sort this out.
That'll work with Catalans, but you can't bribe a Spaniard.
I swear... I swear...
if you stay away from the wedding,
Josep's is having an open bar with wine and ham.
Top class ham for the first Catalan wedding!
Relax, Pau, it'll be an unforgettable day.
Iberian ham?
Good afternoon, Pau. Roser is waiting inside.
Thanks, Eduard.
The masia, built stone by stone
by 8 generations of Serra Riu de Llacs.
I used to play here. A happy, humble childhood.
Remind me to show you the horseriding ring.
When you meet Grandma, you'll understand everything.
She's like this house:
happy, vigorous, optimistic.
She so wants to meet you,
she'll jump for joy when she sees you.
Grandma.
Grandma. Roser.
Poor Grandma, she's kicked the bucket.
Grandma!
Hello, dearie! I had a nightmare!
- Are they the Basques? - Yes.
Lucky you woke me up!
I had a nightmare
that we became Spaniards again.
Montserrat Caballé was singing
"Paquito the Chocolate Man" out of tune.
She's never sung out of tune.
Give me a hug to get over the fright.
But your marriage isn't a dream.
I thought he'd never get married, that he'd be "on the shelf".
- Give me your hand. - What?
Don't be scared...
if you can't feel my heart, because it's not here.
Amaia has it.
He paints like Dali, writes poetry like Espriu...
What great taste you have.
So sweet.
You don't look Basque.
- No, Grandma... - I'm talking now!
I've always thought that the woman to marry
had to be clean and Catalan,
but at least you're Basque, and that's something.
Roser, excuse me,
I think what Pau wanted to say
is that I'm Amaia.
I'm sorry, with that fringe I thought you were a boy.
Clanger after clanger.
Don't worry, hair is always a good thing.
Greek girls are very hairy and look how pretty they are.
Aúpa! I'm the girl's father.
She's a pretty one, with or without the fringe.
Koldo's the name. A patriot and a Basque.
That's something, right?
How amusing you are.
I so wanted to meet a sturdy northern man.
You're so strong...
Do you know what thrills me?
When you risk your lives doing that thing
where you pass those big balls you've got up there.
Very manly.
Any trouble with your Catalan visa at the border?
No, not at all. Since we've been independent
Catalan administration has been wonderful.
But you have to fix the TV. We only get Canal Sur,
and all day it's "olé, olé", clapping and stamping,
and everyone's called "Scampi" or "Lobster".
Andalusians must be lovely people, but they're so common.
- I just have to introduce... - Oriol, Oriol.
My name's Oriol, from Vilanova I la Geltrú.
Roser, nice to meet you. Forgive my bad Spanish,
but what with independence, I'm forgetting it.
Where are you from?
Me? I'm Catalan.
Catalá, catalá. I'm not amusing at all.
Yes, I noticed. Who is this fellow?
Amaia's ex boyfriend. A good kid, he means no harm.
He's like family, right?
Poor thing. I get it.
You came to the wedding to meet somebody, right?
Well here, for now,
we're all single, isn't that right, Kroldo?
I'm fine the way I am.
And how come you're so fine?
Well... I don't know.
We'll sort that out. And you, dear, are you single too?
- Yes. - Because I see...
a very nice couple here. Right, Amanda?
Amaia, my name's Amaia.
And I don't see any couple.
No. Well, just in case, you'll sleep here
because a few weddings might come out of this one.
Mark my words!
- The upstairs room! - So?
My dreaming room!
Wow, what a moment!
I'm sorry, but the best room has to be for the bride.
It's alright.
"Amainda", look at that bed,
the latest thing, made from Reus timber.
Thank you, Roser, but it's "Amaia".
Yes, I know. Now let's see Pau's room.
What? Just a moment.
Shit!
Forget about it.
You don't care if we sleep apart?
Because I do care.
If you're going to have the typical pre-wedding spat,
Koldo and I will skedaddle, make tracks, split.
In Catalan territory, "Amianda", we're very traditional.
So on the two nights left as an engaged couple
you'll sleep separately, right, "Kroldo"?
And you and... this fellow...
will sleep in my great-grandchildren's room.
I don't look it, do I, "Kroldo"?
No, you look fresh as a daisy.
How many great-grandchildren do you have?
None, just what these two will give me next year.
Hold on a moment, this is...
What's this about "next year"?
Well, Grandma and I...
I told her we'd discussed it.
We had the typical conversation all couples have...
The one she never had with me.
Shut up, Rafa... Oriol... shit!
"Armanda", "Armanda", you should rest up.
You have all the festivities tomorrow
and you look very nervous, dearie.
And I don't want to see anyone in the hallways tonight.
I'll be on guard duty.
It's beautiful!
- Good evening, Mercedes. - Good evening, sir.
Be sure you don't wake Roser.
- What's that? The cat? - No, Doña Roser,
the owner of the house, her health is delicate.
Come along. Take the lady to her room.
It could be a cat.
I met a family in Riaza who were under their dog's thumb,
a Labrador called "Moncho".
Are you sure she's not a cat?
Good evening.
You gave me a fright!
I thought I saw the ghost of my witch of a mother-in-law.
- I went all dizzy. - Keep your voice down,
you'll wake up Roser.
No, she's not a cat. I thought the same thing.
I'm Roser.
What are you doing here? I know all the servants,
- but not you. - What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
Me? I'm a guest of Amaia's.
I'm Roser, Pau's Grandma.
Roser "Powsgramma", that sounds Romanian.
I'll make it simple.
I am the grandmother of Pau, the groom.
And you must be
"Kroldo's" something or other.
I'm nothing of the sort. He wishes!
I came because of Amaia, at great pains, actually.
It's a shame she's getting married.
- Amusing. Are you Basque too? - Yes, from Caceres.
Caceres isn't Basque. Of course, I learn
that under Franco they were called "Basque provinces", not...
As I was saying... What's your name?
Anne... Igartiburu.
Yes, people mix us up all the time.
But I was going over it on the bus...
- There was an accident? - No.
I thought: "When I'm there I'll call myself Carme".
I know the name "Mercé" exists, but let me live on the edge!
Indeed!
"Kroldo" is sharing a room
with "Armanda's" ex-boyfriend.
He's here! He came after all!
What room did you say it was?
I didn't.
- Hey, Rafa. - What?
I've got a big favour to ask.
And I'm finding it real hard, so no farting about.
- Farting about like...? - No giggling,
or I'll bop you so fucking hard, I'll catapult you to Seville.
You're warned, okay?
Right, there you go. Read.
You wrote a poem, Koldo? You wrote a poem?
I don't know, in case Merche...
I've been at it for three months.
On the boat I worked hard on the ending, and nothing.
Help me. You're Andalusian, right?
Give a hand with the last line. Please.
- Read it to me. - Read?
Yes, read it to me.
Here goes.
"You, smart as a trout,
fresh as a whiting,
light as a breeze
and your face is smiling."
It's good.
The engine room guy wrote it.
- He's in a band, they write songs... - Oh, it's not yours.
Now comes my bit. Let's see. Here I go.
"Merche,
you can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear,
but you improve with the years.
And on the boat without you, I feel real bad.
When you're near me,
I blush like a red mullet..."
You're laughing. You fucker!
I'm not laughing, Koldo. It's really getting to me.
Fucking rhymes are great. Or not? Yeah? What?
Yes, it rhymes.
- Let's hear the punchline. - The ending, well...
it needs... alright...
"Agur, agur, Sabino,
lam not yours, not me, no.
Agur, to the port, don't tarry,
it's Merche I want to marry..."
It's perfect.
You've got to add an ending with "oomph".
No, it's very you, its' conceptual, it's perfect.
The cherry on top! Aren't you Andalusian?
Help me out. Fuck it, one line!
Look, I'll write you a finish
that'd make Pablito Neruda blush.
Thanks a lot, Rafa.
I just can't do it for you now.
Where the fuck are you going now? Nitwit!
Making the most of Amaia being alone.
I don't want to see myself in 3 months with an unfinished poem.
Good God!
See you, "Nerudita".
See you.
What the fuck are you doing?
- I have to talk to you, honey. - Don't call me "honey" here!
What do you I call you, damn it?
The middle is much drier.
That's why I always have short hair, garcon-style.
Do you speak French?
- I knew it, Rafa! - Knew what?
You didn't even let me speak.
And why are we whispering? I closed the door.
What do you want to talk about at this hour?
- I love you. - What?
- I love you. - In what sense?
- What else could it mean? - Shit, Rafa...
"I love you, I love you", or "I love you...
- ...and you can't marry Pau"? - That's a trick question.
Two questions, and only one is a trick.
Shit, this is like a quiz show!
"I love you and I'm over the moon".
Okay-
Sorry, sorry. Shit, I'm crap with weddings.
It's okay, it's okay.
I come here with good intentions
and you act like a raging bull.
I just can't believe that
it'll go off without a hitch.
Amaia, are you sure you want to get married?
I don't know, I want to be with him.
I don't care about marriage, that's more for his grandma.
Listen, it'll all be fine.
Your Catalan accent's better than your Basque.
Whaddya mean? Puh-lease!
I was fuckin' born and bred in Usúrbil!
- Shut up, they'll hear you! - I can't do a quiet Basque.
Shut up!
I... wanted to...
ask you something, but...
I don't know...
What?
No, I...
Before the wedding...
I'd...
I'd like to do something.
With whom? With me?
Yes. Well, if you don't think it's a bad thing.
No, no, yeah, go ahead. Go ahead... If you think...
Fine by me. Go ahead.
- Really? - Yeah, yeah.
- Are you sure? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay. Now...
If you change your mind, tell me.
I'd be delighted, but...
are you sure?
- We trust each other, right? - Yes, totally.
The thing is... What about Pau?
Hey!
Pau can't see, of course.
No, sure, of course not.
How could he?
I understand some couples might do this, but...
then it all comes to a sticky end.
I don't want to put you in a difficult position.
No, put me in any position you want.
You know I'm very adaptable.
- Are you sure it won't be painful? - It won't hurt me.
And if it does hurt, well, it's a new experience.
- What...? - What? What?
What are you doing?
That's a pretty dress, eh?
- It's a Greek cut, right? - Seriously.
Rafa, after all we've been through,
it all comes down to this for you, just a shag?
Amaia,
let's talk about the important things.
Isn't that cleavage a bit low for a Basque girl?
For someone who's over me, that's standing up a bit too high.
The things you say! People get mixed up,
they get confused.
No! You're shitting me! Pau! Not now!
Just a moment! Out onto the terrace.
No, the weather guy said the north Wind's blowing hard.
Well, with a bit of luck you might blow away.
Coming! Coming!
- Yes? - Mind if I come in, "Amalia"?
I was... just going to bed.
Sorry all the lights are on, I'll pay my part of the bill.
Sleeping in your wedding dress? You'll wrinkle it like a raisin.
I'm going to show you some useful words in Catalan.
Look.
I open the door.
I close the door.
I'm not a fool.
I know what's going on here.
No, no, Roser, really, nothing happened.
You're a bad kitty. "Nothing happened".
Nothing, like what?
I don't know. Like what?
- Look, cutie. - "Amaia".
Yes, I know. I'm not sure how much of your love for Pau
if for profit, but if this what I smell it is, switch banks,
because you won't even get silverware out of us.
You understood that, didn't you?
I'm not with Pau for his money.
- We both pay our own way. - No, I know what you want.
Nationality.
Catalan citizenship.
Since Catalonia became independent, all the Spanish
are coming here for a better life.
But I'm warning you...
A knock.
Shall I open the door?
No.
Or go out on the terrace?
No, not the terrace, Roser! Not the terrace!
It's a gale out there! Look under the bed!
Yes, and do some push-ups while I'm at it.
A gale!
You're already hot and bothered.
This isn't what it looks like.
- Pau, Pau, Pau! - This has to be "quiet sex".
So Grandma doesn't find out. You saw her temper.
No, I thought she was
charming, really sweet, very friendly.
Friendly? Grandma's friendly?
I felt like there was no flow between you two.
Two instruments playing two different scores.
Please, the things you say! It's like she's my grandmother.
Do you mind if she's my Gran too? Let's discuss it tomorrow.
What about those two she's trying to matchmake?
I noticed some intense "green vibes" between Judit
and Rafa Oriol. You did too?
I didn't see
any greens or any fucking shit.
Coming from your grandma, it's sure to be a great idea,
but dark blacks are what I saw.
Sorry, maybe my imagination is running away with me.
You're not in the mood for fooling around tonight, eh?
I'd rather... wait.
Wait for what?
Shit, Pau, that's me, a traditional girl.
Let's talk about it at breakfast, over bread and tomato!
You know I have muesli, otherwise I get constipated.
There's no need to explain, Rafa.
I knew from the start.
The start? What did you realize?
- You're still in love with Amaia. - What are you talking about?
That's the biggest load of rubbish I've ever heard.
How did you know?
Because I don't want them to get married either.
Five years.
Five years I've been in love with Pau,
loving him in silence.
And now this,
organizing the perfect wedding, Jay-sus!
Do you think that's a good thing, Rafiña?
Me mam says
sure, it's like a witch's curse, I can't do a thing about it.
Where the hell are you from?
Cangas de Morrazo.
Rafa...
Aúpa!
Whatcha doin' here?
Amaia's going to marry someone else and you're here asleep.
Who? Me? What do you want me to do?
Nothing! How can you help him win over a girl
when you've never fought for a woman in your life?
Where's my boy?
I studied marketing in Pontevedra,
but when I came to work in Barcelona,
I was embarrassed to say I was from a small town in Galicia.
They're more cosmopolitan here.
Sure.
Hold on. If you were able to set up this whole mess,
you can tear it down too.
There is one possibility that I considered.
Roser wants to give them this masia at the banquet
so they come and live with her.
Pau knows, but he doesn't dare tell Amaia.
No way. I know Amaia.
She'd never live anywhere but Argoitia.
That's it. We have to let Amaia find out before the wedding
so that they argue.
Merche! What are you doing?
I knew you were here!
How?
It was the last door I had to open.
Sorry to bother you.
Excuse me, who are you?
I'm his mother. Well, only when he needs one.
You can call me Carme. It matches my hair, doesn't it?
We're so fond of each other.
Maruxiña, if anyone can help us with the plan, it's Merche.
"Carme".
Well...
What do I care what that old bat gives them?
Cut the crap and get some cutlery for these scallions.
Cutlery!
Get used to it, they eat tons of scallions here.
They're called "scullions".
So Roser wants to give them this masia.
What do you want your grandson to be called, Koldo?
- Aitor. - Yes.
He wants it to be Aitor. Well, that's not happening.
Roser will insist on "Bartomeu". I don't mean to cause a rift...
You have to give Amaia something before they get married,
to annoy Roser.
I don't have a gift.
Did you buy anything, Merche? Shall we split it or...?
What did I say? I'm surprised he remembered the date.
You do have a gift, Koldo.
I'm not giving it to you, I'm lending it.
We're lending it until Amaia leaves Pau.
Here comes the couple.
So, did you sleep well?
How are feeling this morning?
- Fine. - Fine.
Much better than you, eh, Rafa? Did you get any sleep?
- Yes. Why? - I don't know.
The masia is so big you took ages to find your room.
I'm not getting beautiful colours right now. What's wrong?
I'm getting dark greys...
What do you think, Judit? You're very quiet.
Roser's on her way. Hide the Spaniard. Excuse me.
Everyone who feels Spanish, get inside.
Go on, free ham! And a "mus" tournament!
- Andreu. - What's wrong?
You're the most Catalan person in this town.
My grandma's from Teruel!
Get in, get in! Go on!
WELCOME To THE REPUBLIC OF CATALONIA
Thank you, friends! Here I am!
Thank you.
Health and a bulging pocket!
I'll now continue in Spanish
for those who haven't had the fortune
of learning our beautiful language.
You don't know how much I've longed to share with you
the independence for which we've been waiting so long.
I've been told... Yes, you told me,
that the harvest is more plentiful,
the rivers faster-flowing
and that Soronelles Football Club,
our team,
is playing in the Champions League!
All these are...
my grandson's exaggerations, but never mind,
the main thing, my friends,
is that tomorrow our mayor
is marrying Pau, the heir,
to the... foreigner.
I'm here too!
I'm Oriol! Welcome! Thanks a lot!
Long live independence!
And I just want to ask the father of the bride
to say a few words. The father of the bride!
Do you want your grandson to be called "Bartolomero"?
Heey!
How lovely.
Lluis is very moved.
Imagine what it's like for a Basque
to see a country gain its independence.
What did you call me?
Me? "Lluis".
Lluis! Lluis! You heard it!
If anyone called me Lluis I'd be good and mad.
Sorry, Maria del Carme, Lluis is "Koldor" in Catalan.
Alright, alright...
My name's Koldo. Koldo Zugasti Zabala,
here and in Red China!
I just wanted to say
something I'd forgotten but it's come back to me.
If you don't mind, Rosario. And even if you do,
I'm giving the lad here a wedding gift:
a fucking nice "lauburu",
which you put around your neck
and your RH negative goes up, your test skyrockets,
Jesus fucking Christ it does!
There you go, lad.
Will you do me a favour?
I've heard a lot about this pendant
and for me to receive it is...
more important than the prize for Catalan of the Year
or the Silver Brush from the Galleria degli Uffizi,
awards I've also received
so I can compare their importance.
Koldo, I'm not going to wear this "lauburu".
This "lauburu" is going to wear me.
A thousand thanks. Really, from my heart.
What a pity there are no more gifts.
You can tell that someone's in the "tight-fisted club".
One moment... Just a moment, please,
this isn't a raffle.
Before going all crazy
and calling that thing the best gift,
let me tell "lmelda"
that she won't have to suffer the terrible pain of returning...
to Spain...
because I'm giving them my masia
and they'll live in a free Catalonia.
We're going to live in Argoitia, aren't we?
You know what I say, I'm a citizen of the world.
Cut out the "happy flower" moment. This isn't what we discussed.
Mr. Batlle has the floor.
We kick off the festivities with the human tower,
direct from Santa Cristina!
Then we'll meet up in Roser's masia,
where we'll enjoy nibbles,
with a boycott on Spanish products!
Well, there will be Iberian ham and Rioja.
Let's not overdo the boycotts, eh?
Come on, everyone!
Long live Catalonia and Roser!
I don't like those two talking up there and I'm down here.
Relax. She's scowling, I bet they're arguing.
You spilled the beans to Amaia. There's not much else to do
but wait and see. Txiki!
It's what you've done all your life and it's worked like a charm.
I have to get her to notice me,
now that she's hesitating.
What else can you do?
- Where's your head? - It'll be a piece of cake.
I want to be seen up there like a lehendakari.
Climbing onto a pile of people? What for?
And lifting and dropping a 100 kilo rock
deserves a Nobel Prize, eh?
You know I don't like us talking without eye contact.
- You're acting weird. - Weird?
I don't know if I'm marrying you or your grandmother.
See? Looking into each other's souls,
we can talk about anything. Don't lose eye contact.
Tell me, what's worrying you?
You knew about the masia.
The masia... I don't know...
I've talked about so many things with my grandma.
Amaia, eye to eye, in the iris. Please, it's not that hard.
Can't you see that you're risking your life, you idiot?
- Excuse me. - What is it, you clown?
Fuck!
Amaia, no... We'll do what you say.
I'm speaking now as a friend,
not as a future husband for the rest of your life.
Put yourself in "Rafa off" mode for once.
Put yourself in "Grandma off" mode.
Amaia, we're here to make our dreams come true.
Amaia!
Hi. Koldo said you needed ice.
Yes, for a whisky, but I drank it straight.
I wanted to tell you something about Amaia without her knowing.
Yes. What?
You can't tell anyone, it's a surprise.
Tomorrow, after the wedding, we're not returning to the masia.
My home is the world.
I want us to be friends, Rafa.
- You and I? - No, you and that guy.
Of course you and I.
We have to talk this over
because people will think we're rivals for Amaia, but no!
I want you to be my "bro", I'm your "homo".
- My "homey"? - Whatever they say.
Whatever who says?
People, you know what people are like.
People... Not all of them, some.
I don't calculate what percentage Andalusia costs us in taxes.
Between 1 and 2.5%, I don't know.
You'll never hear me call you lazy. And why?
Because you're genetically inclined to work less?
From that to calling someone lazy...
Respect.
You've been trying to finish the Sagrada Familia for years...
Can I give you a hug, Rafa?
Relax, you can get through this.
I'm your "homey" and I can introduce you to a girl,
or a boy, I won't interfere.
Zero intolerance is the hashtag of my life.
Careful, they're true blue Catalans.
You can hear the anthems.
Let's get out of here, Joaquin.
"Welcome to the Republic of Catalonia".
I think they were already independent
and they're bamboozling Spain with these referendums.
Look, look...
Currito, it's some kind of revolutionary folk dance.
It's a subversive dance and we're illegal aliens.
We'll have to get a leaky boat back to Seville.
Currito, I'm not leaving without my Rafael.
Jesus!
6 MORENETAS: ANCHOVIES - RICE FROM THE EBRO DELTA
"Morenetas"?
The Catalan wedding is in the town hall.
If you want to some ham, prove that you're Spanish.
Long live Spain, the King and law and order!
- Hurrah! - Olé!
What are you up to in here?
All of the Spaniards in town are hiding out.
The bars have become ghettoes!
Andreu, I didn't know you were Spanish.
No way, but the ham's free!
Free ham? Spain is crumbling.
- We have to tell the Guardia Civil. - You're right,
but let's think it over in here for a while.
Spain won't crumble in the next 10 minutes.
Do you have any sherry?
I hate that a Catalan is running rings around me.
Cut out the "mataphors".
I told you in Seville that Amaia has decided who she's going to marry.
And that's me, she just doesn't know it yet.
Guys, things are not going so great for us.
A brave bull never gives in. Can't you see?
I'm the only one who'll go with Amaia to Argoitia.
Merci.
That's it! The boycott on everything Catalan starts now.
I'm going to talk to Amaia.
Figure out something so I can be alone with her.
The bull by the horns!
And what do I do about her?
The Catalan boycott is over.
Amaia. What a party!
Can I bother you for a moment?
Yes, after the groping you've been giving Rafa,
he'll need to come up for air.
No, it's the nuptial waltz,
we've left it to the end.
Would you mind going over it?
I should've known straight away!
I don't know what you mean.
You want to be alone with Rafa.
I don't mind, eh?
Do what you like, I'm totally over him.
Have you gone goofy? Did you think I wouldn't find out?
You didn't have that option all calculated,
did you, Judit?
Shall we do the waltz, or not?
Yes.
You sure have changed.
Changed? Me?
I've evolved.
Yes, I've changed. So what?
I've never seen you dance, for example.
You saw me do the aurresku.
The aurresku? That leg-kick thing?
I thought it was the Tae Kwon Do of the kale borroka.
What are you doing?
The dances I've had at the April Fair with the foreign girls...
Watch your feet. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3...
You really have changed.
Before, you didn't like girls like Judit.
What?
I saw you last night, Rafa. I don't know why I mention it,
it's great that you found someone.
Whoah! We were just talking.
Come on!
I think it's sad that you're scoring at my wedding.
Do you know what's sad?
That we were talking about you.
Heey!
We'll have to talk too, right, honey bun?
Talk about what? I've nothing to say to you.
Not even about us?
Look, Koldo, I don't know about in the North,
but in Cáceres there are three kinds of men:
those that aren't afraid of apologizing
and those that, however hard they try, just can't do it.
I know I did the wrong thing, very wrong, txiki.
Don't call me txiki!
I'm not a wallflower you pick up then dump whenever you want.
So, when are you going back to Argoitia?
In Cáceres I'm perfectly fine.
Well, in Argoitia without you, I'm not so hot.
You got me hooked!
I'd catch you in the driftnet, snap you up,
put you in the cabin, give you a little spanking
and even take your scales off.
You couldn't ask for anything more.
Look, Koldo,
I'll tell you one thing I don't like about you.
When it's all going fine, you get scared and leave.
And your incapable of really talking.
And your knees are hideous, like two flabby cheeks.
- You said one thing. - You're just like my Rafa.
When things get permanent, you shit yourselves.
What have I got to do with Rafa now? Puh-lease!
Nothing, of course. At least he's trying to fix it.
Careful! It's not the same. He left when Amaia left him.
No way!
He said he missed Seville,
but he really just got scared. I'm telling you!
How could Rafa leave Amaia?
If you hadn't run off in your boat, you would've found out.
Good God!
I thought you'd never leave Argoitia for anything or anyone.
Rafa, not now, really.
It has to be now.
Do you want to live in Argoitia?
- Yes, I spoke to Pau about it. - I'm not talking about Pau.
Rafa, don't do this to me, please.
Amaia...
I'm not happy in Seville.
Dancing time's over, kids!
You know the one about the Sevillian who dumped his girl
because he's a cheeky devil,
and she tells her dad the opposite story
and tricks him again like a fool?
You two know the ending,
but I know two people who for a very long time
have been laughing at me.
I'm leaving for Argoitia. 'Bye.
And just so you know,
he came here to ruin the wedding.
There you go!
Rafa, I think you should go too.
Amaia, wait!
Amaia, don't but blinkers on!
Now you'll say the easy way is to run back to Seville,
and you never want to see me again!
When have Basques ever done things the easy way?
Never!
Let's try to work it out, even if it is the hard way!
Good evening.
Hello, good evening. Welcome.
Hello, my good friends.
I'm from Barcelona and this heat's killing me. 'Bye.
Everything alright?
- Why not use the buzzer? - To save money.
Everything's fine, girl. "Relaxative".
I wanted to see the masia, it's beautiful.
The masias here in Catalonia are so beautiful.
It's what I like most.
And how are you? Given any good beatings lately?
I have butitfarra for dinner.
Why were you trying to get into Roser's house?
- Give me your papers. - No, please don't hit me!
Okay, I confess, I'm Andalusian, but I've never stolen anything.
Maybe I've done a runner or sneaked onto the Seville Metro.
I just wanted to stop
a girl from marrying the wrong person.
I'm not interested in your personal affairs.
I thought it was sweet, Mar.
Mar, don't arrest me. I didn't boycott Catalonia.
I've got three copies of the same disc by Peret. Three!
Arnau, the mayor said that no one is to bother Roser.
Can't you see he's in love?
How about that...
- it's been years since you... - I what?
- Nothing. - Fucking spill it.
- Since you've been in love. - Yes, "love forever".
- That's the hashtag of my life. - What does that mean?
No fucking idea. But let me go,
I'll let you club the crap out of my back
and you can take "selfies" with the bruises.
No? You don't have lnstagram?
Arnaldo, can't you do anything to get me out of here?
Tomorrow, when my superior comes in, I'll talk to him...
But, Officer,
the Wedding's tomorrow morning, at 12 o'clock.
Hey, why don't you call?
You have the right to a call.
Some things you have to say face to face, a call's no good.
Relax, these people won't get away with it so easily.
They're not leaving Spain just like that, trust me.
- Call your cousin. - I will now.
- Call your cousin. - Wait, damn it!
- Call your cousin. - I am, can't you see?!
My cousin!
"Hello, jello".
Listen, Anselmo, this is urgent.
- You didn't say "jello", you fuck. - This is important.
Say "jello", damn it!
Jello, jello, shit!
He said it! What's up?
Spain's falling apart. The Catalans are getting their own way.
Tell them to send tanks to the Ramblas.
- What the hell are you on about? - Soronelles is independent,
with its own money, everything. They pay in "moronetes".
- Tanks on the Ramblas! - They pay with what?
Is this one of your jokes? He's a riot!
I swear to God! Joke all you like at the Fair,
- but never about Spain! - Forget the tanks!
We'll bomb it and make it part of Aragón.
If what you're saying is true,
we shouldn't talk on the phone.
José Ramón, head for Soronelles.
- What's going on? - Spain, that's what's going on.
"Arnaldo"!
What?
Did you speak to your boss? It'll be 12 in an hour.
I tried, but he's not answering.
Scared of your boss, eh?
I wasn't going to do this, but you give me no choice.
I know how you guys work.
What are you doing?
10 whopping Euros.
It's yours if you let me out.
And I'm bound to have some loose change too.
I can't get you out just like that, Rafa.
- Mar, what do we do? - Shut the fuck up for once!
No, no, Mar! I want to use the wild card.
The "call card".
Where did you get to? I've been looking for Koldo all night.
He left.
Koldo found out that I left Amaia.
Merche, go find him at the station.
No.
Merche, listen to this:
"You, smart as a trout,
fresh as a whiting, light as a breeze,
and your face is smiling.
Merche, you can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear,
but you improve with the years.
And on the boat without you, I feel real bad.
When you're near me,
I blush like a red mullet.
"Agur, agur, Sabino, lam not yours, not me, no
Agur, to the port, don't tarry,
it's Merche I want to marry.
And if one day you return,
you'll be my only sea...
He spent three months writing it for you.
What a lovely poem.
Pity the last line is a bit...
But the rest of it rhymes really well.
Then you'd better rush to the station and bring Koldo back.
Announcement for passenger Koldo Zugasti.
Koldo Zugasti, come to...
- What the...? - Koldo, it's Merche.
They're waiting for us at the wedding.
Come back this instant or you're in big trouble!
Hurry, they're getting married!
- Is my hair alright for the wedding? - Stop.
Stop for a moment. Fucking stop!
I don't want to know anything about that Andalusian.
Look, Koldo, I have two things to tell you.
One, all four of us are going to Argoitia
or nobody is.
And two, I don't think so, but...
Did anyone at the wedding go to my nephew's baptism
in Herguijuela?
I'm wearing the same dress. No, right? That'd be weird.
Then tell me my hair's alright.
Merche, I'm the father, and they kept me in the dark.
You didn't tell me you were a poet either.
Rafa gave you the poem?
Yes, he read it to me... all of it.
How does it end then?
Amaia marries Rafa,
the four us go to Argoitia
and I make "migas" for everyone. How do you want it to end?
I missed you so much, txiki.
Aúpa!
N an?
That's it? That's how you sort things out? Come on!
Thanks for helping me with her. Thanks a lot.
Now let's see what we can do about my daughter.
She needs straightening out.
The car.
Right away.
Excuse me,
there are foreigners here who don't understand Catalan yet.
They will soon.
By the power vested in me by the fathers
of the Catalan Constitution,
I'm here today to unite
two independent beings that will vote "yes"
in the most important referendum of their lives,
that of love.
That last part was my idea.
Did you like it?
"Referendum", "independence"...
Yes?
Sorry, Pau. I'll carry on.
- You're driving like an old lady. - Shit!
I think we just passed the town, Sergeant.
Shut up! Go! This is about Spain!
Can you hear? Good.
"Yes, go, go. I do. I do"
This one too? This one too?
I, Pau, take you, Amaia,
as my wife, to be faithful and to keep you,
in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer,
- all the days of my life. - Thank you, Pau.
I say this "poorer" thing because it's in there, but...
don't worry about that.
Come on.
L, Amaia,
take you, Pau, as my husband...
and promise to be faithful in sickness and in health...
Mayor, hold on a second!
- No fucking way! - Forbidding is forbidden.
I know it sounds contradictory, but that's me.
Aupa: YOU
Rafa, please, what are you going to do?
What I should've done from the start.
Good morning, everyone.
Forgive the interruption, but I have to tell Amaia something.
Some might say: "Can't you say it some other time?" No!
I can't say it some other time, it has to be now.
This mayor is a nitwit!
No one would stop a Mosén lgnasi wedding.
He had balls alright!
Amaia.
You're ruining all the karma.
If only I hadn't been wrong.
If only I hadn't been a coward.
But this is my last chance.
You're dressed as a bride, we've got the mayor...
Will you marry me?
Relax, we'll cut this out of the wedding video later.
Get out!
Amaia.
You don't have to say anything,
all you have to do is...
come with me to Argoitia.
Congratulations, Pau.
Rafa.
Cheer up. I'm your "homey",
for whatever you need.
That's it, he'll get over it.
Go, Amaia. Go.
L, Amaia,
take you, Rafa, as...
It's alright, Amaita.
Okay, champ...
We're kind of nervous. We'll go off for a moment
to think it over, we'll just be a jiffy.
- I knew this would happen, "Kroldo". - What?
The Spanish state would boycott the first Catalan wedding.
You'll forget me.
Come here.
Don't try anything weird!
Take out your Catalan passports and put them where I can see them!
Passports? What are you on about?
Listen, Amaia,
you don't look so sure about all this to me.
You've got lots of doubts.
Well, you must know, you brought Rafa to the wedding!
Why are you teaching him Euskera? You know I get excited!
I get excited too. All the girls do, a little.
You don't seem sure about it to me either. Though I'm not surprised,
that Catalan is a bit wishy-washy.
Pau makes me feel good, do you understand?
- No, no... - And if you don't understand,"...
...I want to hear it. ...I don't care, because...
he treats me nice and loves me the way I am.
And not...
I don't know, we never argue, he's never angry with me,
he's never angry with anyone.
And that... there are times
that I can't stand it!
Damn it,
if my ex turns up two days before the wedding,
get jealous as hell, damn it!
A little red blood in your veins!
If he crashes the ceremony, kick his fucking ass out!
No! Pau Serra, as you know, is against all violence.
Then let's go to Argoitia.
You'll see his grandma's face
when she finds out that all this
is still Spain.
I'm sorry, Grandma. Don't take any notice.
Any notice of what, specifically?
You'll have to explain this
because I didn't understand it.
Right, sure.
We'll talk later.
Let's tell the mayor we're going.
I didn't understand a thing
and you're still a Catalan.
- I'm from Els Magraners. - Yes,
you make great scallop pie and octopus a feira...
Look, dear, do what you like,
but I want Pau to get married.
Do you understand?
- Alright. - Then off you go. Go!
Oh, Lord...
My Rafa puts me in a fucking foul temper!
He's so cocky, so over the top...
His terrible jokes drive me mad
and when he calls me "my soul".
And that obsession with buying deodorants in sets of six,
and waking me every morning with Sevillian songs.
How could I not love him?
- Pau. - Yes.
'Nun
I was thinking... that...
What?
That pendant you're wearing,
maybe...
maybe you don't need it.
I'll give it to the mayor.
Great. I'll be here when you get back.
Okay-
- Judit... - Yes?
Have you ever posed for a professional painter?
Never.
That can be arranged.
Pau, guys, why don't...
the three of us go to Andorra?
- They are independent there. - Alright.
Yes. And I'll buy some pink skis. Do you ski, my dear?
Yes, I love it.
It's a wonderful sport, but dangerous.
My dead husband, wherever he is now, had an accident...
No, it didn't kill him. If only.
No, he died of mussel poisoning.
Mister Zabala!
What?
Pau... gave me this for you.
Thank you. Thanks a lot.
Wait! Mayor, wait. Just a moment, please.
What's wrong?
Your hair looks perfect for a wedding.
It looks so pretty.
You know what I mean.
I think so. But say it, I want to hear it.
There's no need to spit it out!
Merche.
"Merche"? You're not calling me "chiqui" anymore?
Txiki,
do you want to marry this big lug?
Jesus!
Friends, here you have
the first wedding in independent Catalonia!
And tomorrow in Argoitia! "Migas" for everyone!
Do me a favour, stop and find the nearest hospital!
I'm not stopping.
Aitor's not being born in Castile, but the Basque Country.
Can't you see the boy wants to be Spanish?
Cravings!
We had to go to Burgos for black pudding precisely today!
Is there no decent black pudding in Beasáin?
Stop! Put on the brakes!
Hold on, txiki, we're almost there.
One push and we're out of Spain!
For God's sake, stop!
- It's coming! - Stop! It's coming!
Don't give me a Spanish grandson, you'll destroy me! Hang on, honey.
- Come on, push! - Breathe.
- Push! - Breathe.
- Push! - Breathe, breathe.
- Push! - Breathe.
WELCOME TO THE BASQUE COUNTRY
Here he is! Chubby little thing!
I've got him.
Oh, my boy!
Bugger it.