There's a killer on the loose, and I'm sitting here waiting
for this decomposed hand to lead me to him.
( Tires screech )
( roars )
Ruby!
Ash: All roads to destroying this evil
lead right back to where it all began, the cabin.
Then let's go back there and end it all.
You can't go with me.
I've put your lives in too much danger already.
- Ash? - Lem...
I'm really getting my life together. Even joined a militia.
- Where's your camp? - I got him.
Don't do anything till I get there.
State police!
Aah!
- Come with us. - Where to?
To fight. Let's boogie.
I still don't know how I feel
about you guys coming to the cabin.
I guess if you're dead set on it...
Pablo: "Dead set"?
Let's say "live set." Keep it upbeat.
Exactly.
We're not leaving a trail of blood and guts behind us.
We're keeping Michigan moist.
We're coming to this cabin with you.
We're basically family now.
I know. That's the problem.
Everyone I have feelings for dies there.
But you're adults.
We'll go see Lem, get some big-boy toys,
- go to the cabin. - Good.
Because anything's better than this.
Don't worry, Annie Oakley. You'll get your gun.
- I want a flamethrower. - ( Pablo chuckles )
I'm serious!
I lost my parents, got possessed...
flamethrower seems fair.
Yeah, well, you are pretty fiery.
Okay, listen, some friendly advice.
These militia types are a little twitchy.
Oh, I know these kind of people.
Paranoid rednecks who hit the woods
to play Rambo for the weekend.
Okay, now, easy.
We don't want another Ruby Ridge on our hands.
So just tuck that attitude right into your cleavage,
which I definitely have not ever noticed before.
- Wow. - ( Man rasping )
Man: Help.
Help!
Someone...
Holy shit.
( Man panting )
- He's here. - Who's here?
Him. He tore the whole place apart.
Amanda: Okay, you're in shock.
We need to stop the blood flow.
' ( Ma“ grunts) ' ( gasps)
- Please, just kill me. - Ash: Easy, pal.
We're not going to kill anybody.
- We'll get you all fixed up. - Okay, first things first.
Man: Get away from him!
He's one of those things, isn't he? He's one of those things!
( Music playing )
So...
who the fuck are you guys
and why are you roaming around my camp?
First off, apologies.
I guess we caught you guys
at something of an inconvenient time.
We're just looking for Lem. He said he could help us out.
- You know Lem? - Oh, I know Lem.
Yeah, he's a good friend of mine. I just saw him at the diner.
- He invited us here. - I've met you before.
- Where you from? - Me?
- Nowhere near here. - ( Scuttling )
- Fuck! - ( Roaring )
- Where is he? - The roof!
He's back!
Uh, who's "he"?
- Lem. - "Lem" Lem?
He got back to the camp about an hour ago.
At first I thought he was drinking again.
Then he started tearing people apart.
Oh, boy.
Man: His eyes were all white and crazy.
He looked like a fucking monster.
- Of course he did. - ( Clatter)
Keep your weapons trained on the roof.
( Scuttling )
We got to get the hell out of here.
I wouldn't be roaming around anywhere if I were you.
What the hell do you know?
Let me dumb it down for you.
What's out there knows that you're alive,
and it wants you to be un-alive.
( Scuttling )
I know exactly what we're dealing with.
Big Brother put a virus in our air supply,
turned Lem into some sort of mummy!
- That's a new one. - Yeah, but we were ready for it.
Were you? Okay. Wow.
You guys are survivalists. Here's how you survive.
Give us our weapons back and get the fuck out of our way.
Lem: I'm going to get you.
Oh, why don't you come out,
you motherfucking piece of shit?
Come on! I'll kill you myself.
Probably not the best idea, Kel.
( Rasping )
Yeah. That's what I thought.
That's how I know you. You was at the lockup
when I was tossed in a few years ago.
She's a cop!
So who the fuck are you guys, really, huh?
Are you the government?
You were the last people to see Lem.
What are you, huh?
Checking in to see if your little experiment worked?
What did you do to him? You tell me!
- What did you do to Lem? - Back off.
- What did you say? - Man: Watch your six!
I would stay away from there if I were you.
Not looking for your input, tough guy.
See?
- It's perf... - ( Lem roars )
( shouting )
- ( man screaming ) - ( Shouting )
We need to get the fuck out of here.
You ain't going nowhere.
( Both grunting )
Man: Enjoy.
Maybe your old friend Lem will find you down there.
( Lem growls )
- Amanda: What was that? - Ash: You know what that was.
Man: There's two more we got to get!
Let's load up and go!
Man ♪2: Let's move it up!
- Shit. - Man: Yeah!
We got to figure out a way to get them out of there.
- ( Radio chatter) - ( Engines revving )
- Man: Over there! - Come on. Let's move.
- Shit. - Let's go.
Shh, shh.
Amanda: Whoa, watch it.
Ash: Hold on. I'm trying something here.
Hey!
It works!
You think there's another exit door?
No, but I'll say yes just to keep hope alive.
Let's check it out.
Amanda: Oh.
A week ago I was having a burger with my partner,
and now everything is upside down.
Took me a long time to get my head around it, too.
But you're seeing the world as it really is,
so that's good.
Doesn't feel good.
Most people go through life thinking they're totally safe.
People like us, we know the truth.
Life is hard and dangerous,
and sometimes you just got to chop off
somebody's head to survive.
I guess. I guess that's true.
But, hey, this ain't so bad.
We get to spend some quality time
like you been dreaming about.
You think this is the right time for hitting on me?
There's no bad time. I'm old-school, baby.
Oh, you're old something.
( Clatter)
Hey, I'm sorry I misread you.
The woman I was with, she told me
that she thought you were the one making those...
- those things. - Who is this woman?
Her name was Ruby.
She was a lot like you, actually.
She spent her whole life fighting those freaks.
It finally caught up to her.
Just a normal person
who got tangled up into something that was so much bigger.
Something beyond her control.
I will always be thankful she was honest with me.
She taught me there is more out there
than any of us realize.
( Lem roars )
What was that?
'(thud) ' ( gasps )
( panting, growls )
( men shouting )
- Kelly: Fuck. - We'll be okay.
Man: Go, go!
Hello, Ash.
Good to see you again.
Wish I could say the same, Lem.
You never wanted to drink with me, Ash.
You said I was a bad drunk.
That I liked the firewater.
That was before I knew it was racist.
That was a long time ago.
Well, maybe you'll drink with me now.
What the hell was that? No big deal.
Just a little kerosene.
- Lem, don't... - Cheers.
Don't... Jesus!
( Lem growls )
I'm going to get you!
( Growls )
Where did you go?
Why'd you pick flamethrower so easily?
What?
Earlier you said you wanted a flamethrower,
just like that.
Man, it's like you know exactly who you are.
Are you having a meltdown?
What? No.
I'm... it's just...
Who am I?
Who are you?
You are a good friend. Someone who makes cool...
What? No.
What I'm asking is, am I, like, an axe guy
or somebody who uses a crossbow?
Maybe I'm a Taser kind of guy.
Or, I don't know, a rusty chain?
You know, I used a gun at the diner.
Felt kind of small.
You know what?
I'm glad that being trapped in the woods,
hunted by an insane militia
made you ask the big life questions.
- Yeah, me, too. - ( Vehicle approaching )
- ( radio chatter) - Shh, shh.
I wish I had my rusty chain, yo.
No. Keep trying-
- Damn. - Lem: Ash!
( Growls )
( roars )
Ash!
Man: Meet you by the crick.
Look, they separated. That's good, that's good.
Hey, all we need is one gun.
( Growls )
( roars )
Ash, the more you hide,
the more I'll make you suffer!
So go on and hide!
( Gasps )
I 9011 One!
Shit!
- Man: Come on. - No, please.
Come on, come here.
Gotcha!
Yes!
Nice try.
Fuck.
Get in the back.
( Kelly groans )
I'm going to get you pregnant later.
Won't your sister be jealous of us?
Uncle Sam will never outsmart
a couple of deep woods Michigan boys.
We're not with Uncle Sam, you fucking knob.
We're on the same side.
- Save your lies, Hillary. - Pablo: Hey! You fucking moron.
This has nothing to do with the government.
There is something evil out there!
Oh, I know all about the evil out there.
It's not the government!
Lance?
It's me!
Oh, my God!
Shit.
What the fuck?
Shit.
Pablo.
Pablo, do something!
- ( Squelching ) - Pablo!
We're out of time!
Pablo, go!
- Aah! " ( growling )"
Hang on! Shit.
Fuck!
Here we go!
One...
two, three!
Hey. Nice driving.
Thanks.
So, maybe...
I'm a pickup truck kind of guy.
Yeah, maybe.
Oh.
Hello, handsome.
Okay.
So what's the plan?
You're going to get that guy's gas mask.
We're going to ambush these hicks and save Ash.
- Um, that mask? - Yeah, it's the only one around.
Uh... do you really think I need one?
In order for this plan to work, yeah.
Because you need to be in disguise.
Look, I'll clean the blood off with my shirt, okay?
Yeah, no, no. I got this.
I got this.
He'! '
He gone.
All right, just pull it off. Come on.
Look, it's a process, okay? I'm getting there.
Jeez. You know, I've been through a lot.
- ( Growling ) - Oh, shit! Fuck!
Kelly! Oh, Kelly!
No! Aah!
- Aah! - Pablo!
Duck!
Holy shit! Don't shoot me, please!
It's not my fault!
Whose fault is it?
- It's the gun's fault. - ( Gunfire )
These things are dangerous.
( Screams ) Ha.
Shit.
Kelly: Pablo!
You're good to grab that mask now.
( Lem roars )
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, you see what I see?
Daylight.
- Crap. - Shit.
Wait a minute. Propane.
We'll just blow the asshole up.
No, we won't.
I've got an idea.
But you're going to have to follow my lead.
I like a lady who takes charge.
Help! Help!
- That's your idea? - Trust me.
Lem! I can't take it! Help me!
Help me, please!
( Growls )
Lem: Ash!
I'm coming to get you!
( Growls )
What happened? Where the hell is everybody?
- Right here, asshole. - Man: What?
- Man ♪2: Shit. - Man ♪3: Aw, no.
One false move, and I will second amendment
your brains all over this truck.
( Growls )
Friends.
Let's part)!-
Lem: My brain!
Good news, Lem. You won't even know it's gone.
Diesel. Oh, shit.
Nah, nah, nah, nah!
Strike!
(grunting )
- Ruff! - ( Chuckles )
No!
- Shit's about to get real. - ( Growling )
Safety last.
( Chuckles )
Well, that was fun.
We should get handcuffed together more often.
You wouldn't even know what to do with me.
Oh, honey bunny,
I would destroy you in the best possible way.
Mmm.
You know, I was going to take that propane
and blow the doors off,
but I'll happily blow your doors off first.
Really?
Pablo: Ash! Fisher!
Kelly: Are you alive in there?
- Rain check. - Oh.
- ( Man grunts) - Man: Shit.
Looks like you guys already
went shopping for the good stuff.
Yeah, fuck a flamethrower.
This guy has got girth.
Oh, yeah.
I think I found my own boomstick.
- Jesus, Pablo. - Shit. My bad.
Uh, yeah. You know what?
I think a gun might be better.
Looks good on you.
Save those cuffs, baby. We'll use them later.
It never turns off with you, does it?
Babycakes, I don't know how to turn it off.
- ( Men screaming ) - Help! Help!
Jesus, fucking mother...
Help! Help us!
Help! Help!
(gunfire)
See? In this war, everybody's on the same side.
Hey, go ahead and cut yourself free.
I'd get as far away from here as possible.
So, we hitting this cabin or what?
'Cause I'm ready to kick some ass.
Yeah, me, too.
I feel like we're ready for anything.
He'! '
Just so you know,
each of you has a very special place in my heart.
Good job staying alive.
Keep if UP-
Amen.
Aww, someone inhaled too much kerosene.
Now, come on!
We've got some Deadites to mow down.
So, where's this big bad cabin at anyway, Ash?
Ash?
Where'd he go?
Ash?
Hello!
Jefe?
( Music playing )
♪ Wind me up ♪
♪ Time has come today ♪
♪ Young hearts can go their way ♪
♪ Can't put it off another day ♪
♪ I don't care what others say ♪
♪ They say we don't listen anyway ♪
♪ Time has come today ♪
Hey ♪
♪ Now the time has come ♪
- ♪ Time ♪ - ♪ Nowhere to run ♪
- J' Time J' - J' I might get burned up by the sun ♪
- But ♪ - Time ♪
♪ I will have me some fun, fun, fun, fun ♪
♪ I've been loved and pushed aside ♪
♪ Time ♪
♪ I've been crushed by tumbling tide ♪
♪ Time ♪
♪ My soul has been psychedelicized ♪
♪ My time machine has come alive ♪
- ♪ Time ♪ - ♪ Now the time has come ♪
- ♪ Time ♪ - ♪ There are things to realize ♪
- J' Time J' - J' My time has come today ♪
- Yeah ♪ - ♪ Time ♪
♪ Time to spend the day ♪
♪ Time ♪
♪ Ha ha ha ha. ♪