Pablo, I hope your weird brujo uncle can help us out.
( Chanting in Spanish )
Brujo: Here's where you find what you seek.
What the hell is this doing here?
You have to bury it deep, deep
below the place where your journey began.
30 years ago, my friends and I spent the night at a cabin.
We found a book.
It awoke something in the woods, something evil.
His real hand. Hello.
This is coming along so nicely.
Weed.
Just take a hit.
(gun cocks)
Out, demon!
I command you!
( Screams )
Pablo: I think that Brujo's trying to give me a sign
from wherever he is.
Where the hell is he?
Why don't you take a loop around?
I'll check inside.
( Crows cawing )
( rustling )
(growling )
(whispering )
Hola, Santa Muerte.
En paz descanse.
( Door shuts )
(whispering )
( explosion )
( engine backfires )
Son of a bitch.
( Door creaking )
I've got you now, Ashley.
( Bleating )
Hey, little guy.
Have you seen a one-handed asshole around here?
( Bleating )
Hola, perra.
(growling )
Ruby!
You double-crosser!
The others will never let you get the book for yourself.
And neither will I.
Ruby!
( Theme music playing )
Shit!
Where the fuck did it go?
Fuck.
♪ All my exes live in Texas ♪
♪ And Texas is the place ♪
♪ I'd dearly love to be... ♪
Damn, jefe, you hungry?
You're hurting those pancakes.
I know what I have to do.
Chew before you swallow.
No, back at the Brujo's,
when I was on my fun little trip to Woodstock,
I saw some things
that made my next step very clear.
All roads to destroying this evil
lead right back to where it all began...
- the cabin. - Oh, my God.
Sorry.
I guess deep down
I always knew it would lead to this.
Then let's go back there and end it all.
You know I'm down.
The last thing I want every Deadite to see
- is this ugly mug. - Yeah, I know,
but the thing is you can't go with me.
- I'm sorry. What? - No. This is the end of the road.
I've put your lives in too much danger already.
And this cabin, if you go here,
you would end up possessed, and I would have to kill you both
and cut your heads off,
and that would just be bad for everybody.
No. I want payback.
You don't get to take that away from me.
Pablo: Yeah. We knew what we were getting into
when we joined up with you.
Well, no, we didn't, not even a little bit,
but we do now.
And you said you wanted us to be with you.
Kelly: And if I die, at least I went out swinging.
Pablo: Ash, if I was a Deadite,
I would be honored to have you chop my head off.
Ah, thanks, Pablo. I appreciate that.
Okay. I'll think about it.
Man: Ash?
Lem...
uh, how the hell are ya?
These your grand kids?
Still an asshole, I see.
- Always. - Yeah, me, too.
Kelly, Pablo, this is Lem.
Good to meet you.
Hey, "h, you got a sec?"
Sure.
So, you still working the Value Stop?
Maybe I could use your, uh, employee discount
for some toilet paper and ammo?
No, I got off that ol' merry-go-round.
And, Lem, I don't think you should be waving guns around.
Relax. I'm off the sauce.
Clean and sober almost nine days.
Wow, well, uh, one foot in front of the other.
- Amen. - Yeah.
Yeah, I'm really getting my life together, you know?
Even joined the militia. Hence the ammo.
Always be stockpiling... that's our motto.
That's a dumb motto.
I joined after they came up with it.
- Mm. - Anyway,
you should stop by sometime.
We got some really cool toys you could play with.
You know, I might just take you up on that.
- Yeah. - Where's your camp?
- Actually, I can't tell you that. - Come on.
Show me the hand.
- Is that new? - Long story.
- There. - Gaylord.
- No. - Really?
- No. - Gladman.
I gotcha. North of M-59?
All right, what's up, dude?
'Cause you're being real weird to me today.
Nope, I'm having an amazing day.
Wow.
Okay. You know what, Pablo,
I know what you're going through with your uncle,
and if you need to take it out on me,
that's just fine. I will take it if it helps.
Yeah, it's not that.
It's just...
when you were possessed,
you tried to fuck me and then kill me.
What?
Like... like, fuck you, fuck you?
Oh, yeah, you were, like, in full-on bone mode,
like a praying mantis.
I mean, the killing part, you know what, I get that.
You know, you were a demon, you were possessed.
But the other part, I just...
I didn't know what to make of it. It was confusing.
Shit. I'm sorry.
I mean, I really...
I just don't remember any of it.
So, was any of that a part of you,
or was it all a demon?
( Groans )
You two funbags almost done?
- Yeah. - Yep.
Okay, good. Now, if... and I mean "if"
I let you come with me back to the cabin,
there's one place I have to stop first.
Pablo, when we get there,
please remind me to gas up the chainsaw.
Will do. You know I got you.
- Whenever you're ready. - Thank you, love.
Five-star service.
Ooh. Okay, who's got the cash?
Uh, you said it was your treat.
No, no. No, I ordered the fruit cup
'cause I thought we were taking this check to splitsville.
When did I say this?
Uh, when we sat down and then again
in the middle of the meal.
Yeah, you said, and I quote,
"All right, you knuckleheads, I got the grub this round."
( clicks tongue )
That doesn't sound familiar. But, you know, okay.
Jesus.
Just go wait in the trailer, okay? I'll pay up.
( Cell phone rings )
( police radio chatter)
- Amanda? - I got him.
I finally fucking got him.
Right now I'm looking at the license plate
for that missing trailer from the park homicide.
That's the guy, trust me.
Amanda, what are you doing? You're not on active duty.
But you are. You could bring this guy in on your collar.
Run the DNA.
I know we'll find a hit on everyone from the trailer park
- and the farmhouse, too. - Where are you?
The Western Moose. He's inside.
I'm on my way. Don't do anything till I get there.
( Music playing )
All right. All right. So just...
will you just tell me how exactly did I try to do
all that to you?
You tried to seduce me and get me to smoke weed
out of a shotgun.
What? Oh, shit.
- That is awesome. - That is crazy.
That is awesome.
Yeah.
So, what, did you turn me down?
I think so?
I blacked out.
Well, that sounds like a good party.
No, but, hey, seriously,
like, whatever was inside me,
it just must've been preying on howl really feel about you.
How do you feel about me?
I mean, you're just so sweet and pure.
How could I ever look at you that way?
And the demon must've been twisting that
and making me seem insane.
Right.
That makes total sense. Of course.
- Fuck that demon. - ( Chuckles )
Anyway, um, I'm just... I'm really sorry, Pablo,
I put you in such an awkward position.
I promise I won't do that to you again.
- Do you hear that? - What?
- Well, anyway, uh... - ( Banging )
Okay, that time I heard it.
( Banging )
I think it's coming from in there.
That's where Ash keeps Necronomicon.
Well, it's got some serious beef with my uncle's necklace.
( Banging continues )
Aah!
- Push harder! - Pushing!
We need to lock that shit up right now.
( Country music playing )
So, do you need anything else, or are you good?
Oh, I'm good. The question is...
Nancy, are you good?
Uh, I'm okay. Sure.
I have a friend of mine, Nancy.
He strings tennis rackets for a living.
He is the best. He can't do anything else.
But where do the world's tennis pros go to get their rackets strung?
Him. Why? 'Cause he has a gift.
Fascinating piece of trivia.
- Nancy, I have a gift, too. - Uh-huh.
I can make sweet, sweet love to a woman like no other man.
Hmm?
After I lost this hand, this hand became
"extra sensitive."
( chuckles )
I think you know what I mean.
The reason I bring this up, Nancy,
is I'm not gonna be able to pay that check.
But I think I've got something much more valuable I can give you.
Much more than $22.89. Double that, at least.
- So, Nancy... - ( Sighs )
would you like me to string your racket?
My husband, he's right there, the cook.
- See him? - Yeah, gotcha.
We gotta keep this on the down low.
Okay, tell you what... act natural.
Meet me in the men's room in three minutes.
But I gotta warn you
you're gonna wanna leave your husband for me,
and I can't let that happen.
Family values.
Okay, toots, see you in three.
Fuck the book. I wish we could destroy it.
Ash said we can't. He tried, no dice.
Actually, he said that he tried burning it,
but we could... we could electrocute it.
We could freeze it,
or maybe even a pipe bomb.
No, Ash said we can't 'cause we need the book
to help with the Deadites.
But it doesn't help. If anything,
it just keeps those things coming back around.
Wait...
is that what you want?
What?
You told Ash you wanted payback.
You wanna keep the book around
so more Deadites show up for you to kill.
No.
What? Why are you looking at me like that?
Kelly, you need to be careful of revenge.
My uncle, he always said,
"Pablito, beware anger, fear revenge."
If once you start down that path,
forever it will dominate your destiny.
"Consume you, it will."
Did you just Yoda quote me?
- Yeah. - ( Banging )
Don't worry. I'm sure we'll be dead way before then.
( Sniffs, exhales sharply )
( Clicks )
Ooh. Cold.
Cold. Ooh.
( Clears throat )
( Splash )
I'd do me... all day long.
There you are, baby. Right on time.
You know, they say waitresses don't get big tips.
Well, that's about to change.
State police. You're under arrest.
Oh, come on! You again!
Ah! Aah! Lady, you just don't quit.
Not after what you did to my partner.
Partner? I don't even know what the hell you're talking about.
The one you murdered.
Murdered... get outta town. I'm not a killer.
- Oh, yes, you are. - No, I kill killers.
Oh, easy on the strike zone there.
Or not.
- Oh... - Is that lavender?
I've got you, motherfucker.
Like I said, you're under arrest, for real this time.
Jesus Christ.
You missed your chance, darlin'. This gal knows what it's all about.
Fisher: Shut up and keep walking.
Fisher, I told you to wait.
Fisher: He was leaving, I had to move.
- This guy's behind everything... - Wow, there's an overstatement.
The farmhouse, the trailer park, another murder out in the woods
where this sicko just burned a guy to death.
Say what?
Jesus, this is him.
Yeah. The trailer's outside. I bet there's evidence all over it.
Okay, buddy, let's go.
RoboCop is full of baloney.
You know, she accosted me in the little boys' room.
Said she wanted sex with a genuine beef stud.
These are her words. Look, you can't arrest me!
I'm the only one here who knows how to...
fight
( electricity crackling )
- Man on TV: Donovan... - ( Static hissing )
Fight what?
That
( screaming )
( screams )
I think we better dine and dash.
Oh!
- ( Snarling ) - ( Gunshots echo )
No!
A new member for my fan club.
You wanted service.
Here's your tip.
(yells )
I hear you. ( laughing )
Hey! Order up.
( Motor revving )
What, you never saw a guy with a chainsaw hand before?
♪ Ain't no scheme, there's a theme ♪
♪ Why is my head spinning 'round in my dreams? ♪
Amanda, I'm taking you with me.
( Shotgun blast)
♪ Why are these lights popping up in my face? ♪
♪ Or am I freakin' out? ♪
- I told you I kill killers. - ♪ Freakin' out... ♪
I got this.
(yells )
- ( clicks ) - Oh, shit.
♪ There's a sign on the wall... ♪
( Both yelling )
( screeches )
♪ Coming faster as we run through the park ♪
♪ Or am I freakin' out, freakin' out, freakin' out? ♪
Thin-sliced, just howl like it.
- ♪ Freakin' out, freakin' out... ♪ - ( Grinding )
Come on, don't die on me yet.
Not you.
( Music continues )
Yes, you wanna fuck with me and my friends?
Come after my family, you fuck?!
Oh, I'm just gettin' started.
I'm just warming the fuck up! Fuck!
Yes.
I think she needed that.
- Kelly: You just got '86'd. - Yep.
( Kelly yells )
Fuck! ( panting )
Fuck, fuck.
( Beeping )
- Crosby, it's Lem. - Crosby: Lem?
Man, you will not believe what I just saw.
( Branch snaps )
- ( bird squawking ) - ( Wings fluttering )
( bird squawks )
We need to arm up.
- Crosby: Lem? - 'Cause the end is coming.
What happened, huh? Lem! Lem!
Fuck!
( Screaming )
Well, good news. I found a piece of pie with no blood on it.
Anybody want a bite?
- No. - No, thank you. I'm good.
Hey, uh, do me a favor. Take that. Give me a sec.
Mm-mm.
- How's your day goin'? - Not great.
Welcome to my world. You walk into a diner,
all you want is a pile of hotcakes.
What do you get? A pile of corpses,
and everybody wants to blame it on you.
Yeah, Jesus.
Police units are gonna be here any minute.
You could stick around for that...
or you could come with us.
- Where to? - To fight.
We could use someone with your physical qualities.
Uh, skills.
I would love to come...
with you.
Why don't we hit the men's room, and you can string my racket?
I would be so totally into that.
Into what?
Into you coming with us to fight Deadites. Right?
Let's boogie.
♪ The jig is up, the news is out ♪
♪ They've finally found me ♪
♪ The renegade who had it made ♪
♪ Retrieved for a bounty ♪
♪ Never more to go astray ♪
♪ This will be the end today ♪
♪ Of the wanted man ♪
♪ Oh, Mama, I'm in fear for my life ♪
♪ From the long arm of the law ♪
♪ Hangman is comin' down from the gallows ♪
♪ And I don't have very long ♪
♪ The jig is up, the news is out ♪
♪ They've finally found me ♪
♪ The renegade who had it made ♪
♪ Retrieved for a bounty ♪
♪ Never more to go astray ♪
♪ This will be the end today of the wanted man ♪
♪ The wanted man ♪
♪ And I don't wanna go ♪
♪ Oh, no. ♪