Ash: 30 years ago, I found "The Book of the Dead."
Now, because I read from the book...
Mesartra.
Ash: ...evil has found me.
Burn in hell! (yells)
( screams )
She's here.
Dad? ( Kelly gasps )
- What did you see? - My mother...
but she died.
( Screams )
- Can't outrun evil, Ash. - Watch me!
( Screams )
Pablo: Ash!
Help me.
(yells )
♪ Come along if you care ♪
( Cackles )
♪ Come along if you dare. ♪
That, my friends, is how we do it.
Look, I have no idea where you learned how to kill those things.
- But if whatever I saw... - I call them "Deadites."
And I'd say it's a gift from God, but that would be giving
the man upstairs a little too much credit.
This is all me, baby.
Very humble. But listen,
if whatever I saw at my dad's house is a Deadite,
then he's in a lot of danger.
We are way past danger.
That's why we have to get that book translated
and find the phrase that'll put the lid back on all this bullshit.
Okay, well, what if we stop at Kelly's
on the way to get your book looked at?
- It's a win-win. - Sorry. No can do.
Well, I can't just abandon him.
Look, I get that you want to save your dad,
but I'm trying to save all the dads everywhere
and the mommies and the babies.
So, if you'll forgive me, but I gotta duct-tape
some big-ass bullet holes before I roll.
Wow.
( Electricity buzzing )
( humming )
(wind whooshes )
( buzzing )
(growling )
( dog barks )
Kelly!
Wait, please!
You can't go back there alone!
Shit.
Looks like your girlfriend took your bike.
I tried to get her to stop, but she wouldn't listen to me.
Yeah, I know it's not a very PC thing to say these days,
but, uh, chicks are like that.
- Mm. - It's just a fact.
Well, I'm shoving off to take care of the book.
- Catch you on the flip-flop. - Um, about the book...
she took it.
- She took it? - Uh, yeah.
She grabbed it on her way out.
I guess she thinks it's gonna help her with her mom.
- Fuck me! - I can take you to her dad's.
All right, wipe your feet and get in.
Sweet.
( Rock music playing on radio )
So you think Kelly's mom could've turned into a Deadite?
Moms don't just come back to life.
If Kelly's old lady's walking around,
I'm probably going to have to cut her head off.
Oh, man.
I really don't want to have to fight any more of those things.
Well, for your first time, you did great.
Most folks just end up dead.
Yeah, but I don't... I don't wanna end up dead like most folks.
Hey, do you got any fighting tips?
Trust me, once you get jacked in the face, it'll all click.
I can't even get my nut up to rumble
unless I've had a good shot to the chin.
Man. You're like an expert.
I mean, it looks like you've taken a punch.
I don't know about that.
I think this mug is basically mint condition.
- ( Screams ) - Oh, my God!
- (growls) - Oh, my God!
( Music gets louder)
Oh, my God, Mr. Roper!
I've always hated you.
( Honking )
Pablo, do something!
Hey, Mr. Roper...
- ( hisses ) - Oh, shit.
Oh, fuck!
( Tires squealing )
Look, Ash, I know you said that when I get hit I'd know what to do!
But I just got hit, and I don't know what to do!
( Screaming )
- Ah! '(Yelling )
- ( growling ) - ( Screams )
( laughs )
You sad, old failure.
You'll never defeat evil.
Yeah? Thanks for the heads up.
Ah!
♪ If the one you think is true ♪
♪ Ever turns her back on you... ♪
- Is this what it's like to be you? - Yep, pretty much.
Never killed my boss before, so that was new.
That was the scariest thing that's ever happened to me.
I thought I was dead.
But then it was so cool when you said,
"Thanks for the heads up."
At first I was like, did he mean it like that?
And then I realized it's the "jefe."
Of course he did.
This ain't my first rodeo, kid.
Hey, do you have a... a towel or something I could borrow?
- ♪ If I'm a fool to pray... ♪ - Ah. Bingo.
Here we go.
- ♪ That you'll come back someday... ♪ - Thanks.
(wind whistling )
( quiet chatter)
Woman: You the police?
A lot of death around here lately.
Yeah, more than we've ever had.
Special Agent Fisher.
Michigan State Police.
It's very possible this is connected to the killings from the other night.
Do you know who... who lived there?
We don't know his name,
but he was always a real asshole to me and my wife
and our kids and pretty much everyone else around.
Woman: You should tell her about the girls.
About the girls he brought...
(whispering )
Man: Sometimes he'd bring whores back to his trailer.
Did you hear what I said?
Yeah, whores. Got it.
Last one he brought back, some girl with a skanky wrist tattoo.
I heard 'em chant some weird voodoo stuff
from inside that crappy trailer.
Wait. You said "wrist tattoo"?
I'm pretty sure that's not the only place she had one.
Thanks for your help.
(wind howling )
( creaking )
- Well, it's cozy. - Mm-hmm.
(windmill creaking )
( creaking )
Whoa, man.
Something seems very wrong here.
It always does.
Okay, here's the plan.
We bust in there, we fight through the carnage,
- we bail with the book. - Okay, yeah.
Oh, God. What if Kelly's mom gave Kelly the evil force
and then you have to cut off Kelly's head...
Pablo, focus up.
Just stay behind me, let the boom stick do the talking.
Things get hairy, use your bottle.
Um, I don't think it's a very good weapon, jefe.
You had to stab Roper, like, 50 times.
Hey, I was sharpening it for you. Now, come on, you ready?
- I'm ready. - Let's do this!
- I'm feeling strong. - Yeah!
- Si Se puede! - Si Se puede!
Where's my book?!
Please... please don't hurt us.
Take anything, but you will not touch my family.
My God. What are you guys doing here?
Oh, shit. Hey. Hi, Kelly. You're okay.
Y-you know these men?
- Well... - Uh, yeah.
Uh, we're... we're friends from work.
Man, you have a nice house.
Yeah, we were just passing through,
thought we'd stop in and say hi.
Hi.
Why are you covered in blood?
Um, we hit a deer on the way up here.
And when I tried to pull it out of the grill of my car,
the sucker just exploded all over us...
( laughing ) ...so we had to cut it up
with my chainsaw arm.
I'm actually a hunter, and I've never seen a deer explode.
Well, maybe you're not hunting the right deer.
Okay, uh, could you just excuse us for one second?
( Whispering ) Jesus, you GUYS-
Look, my mom's alive.
She was living in a homeless shelter in Ohio with amnesia,
and then yesterday she finally started to remember who she was.
- That's great. - Yeah, pretty convenient timing.
Okay. Look, Ash, I know we saw
some crazy shit in your trailer park,
but this has nothing to do with that.
Does she look like one of those things?
No, but when it comes to evil,
if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.
Now, about my book.
Sweetie, is everything okay?
Oh, yeah, yeah. Um, sorry.
Um, Mom, Dad, this is my friend, Pablo.
He got me the job at Value Stop.
- ( Buzzing ) - And, uh, this is Ash,
a person I never thought would be in my home.
Hi. You used to be dead, right?
- Ash! - Honey, it's okay.
I don't blame you for telling people I was dead.
I might as well have been dead.
The only thing I can remember
is driving to the store in a terrible storm,
and I-l went over a guardrail
and then nothing for months.
They said she drowned, but they never found the body,
so, uh, we never gave up hope.
What a touching story.
Okay, well, you must want to get back to your van house now.
Sweetie, don't be so rude.
- Maybe your friends are hungry. - Oh...
Dinner's already made.
Look, lady, I don't know what game you're playing,
but I want my book, and I want it now.
Uh, we'd love to stay for dinner. That sounds great.
Come on, Ash, let's tidy up.
Is this the man?
Yeah, that's him.
He looks way dumber in real life, but that is very close.
Ship it.
Hey. Can I have a look at that?
Sure.
Are you the one behind all this?
Amanda! What are you doing here?
Give us a second.
I just thought if there's a connection to what happened the other night...
Fisher, you were in an officer-involved shooting.
You're not supposed to be anywhere near a crime scene right now.
- What does it matter? - It matters.
Now, please, for your own good.
Okay.
( Rain pattering )
( creaking )
( eerie whispering )
Um, hey, jefe...
Uh, hold on.
- Ugh. - Gross. Thanks.
Uh, so, forgive me but...
I got a small confession.
I took your book.
You what? I hope you're shittin' me.
Well, I-l knew you wouldn't help Kelly unless you thought she had it.
Oh, so you just lied to me?
You know, I trusted you, Pablo!
I'm sorry.
But at least everything is okay and we get a free dinner.
You don't believe Mom's horseshit story, do ya?
She's a Deadite, and I think Dad is, too.
Mm-mm.
Her mom, she doesn't even have the crazy white eyes.
I noticed they're brown and lovely like her daughter's.
Yeah. I remember when I was like you...
young, dumb, full of... conflicting emotions.
Look, these things are tricky.
They can disguise themselves as human
and just when you're comfortable, boom!
( Thunder crashing )
It's just a storm, Pablito.
Look, Ash, I think you're being really paranoid about this.
If Kelly's mom is one of them,
why wouldn't she have killed her before we got here?
Because she's trying to reel in the bigger fish.
Don't you get it?
If you snag a little fish, you're not gonna eat it, no.
You use it as a baitfish to catch the whale.
- I'm the whale, Pablo. - Yeah, I got that.
- And Kelly... - She's the bait.
Yeah, that's right. Unfortunately for Mom,
this whale swam in there with a big ol' shotgun.
She was just waiting for me to drop my guard.
That's why she's inviting us for dinner.
Well, for the record...
I think she's a real mom,
and this is my chance to impress Kelly's parents.
So can you just do me a solid, please?
Just be polite in there.
Oh, I'll be polite, right up until I'm rude.
Hey. How're you holding up?
I mean, this must all be a big shock for you.
I mean, my mom's back
and I thought I'd never see her again.
So, um, I don't know. I guess I'm actually, um...
happy for once.
( Kelly chuckles )
♪ Ta-da. ♪
Wow, Mom, it looks great.
Thank you.
Um, you know, you could, uh,
take off your gun,
put it over there with your chainsaw limb.
You'd like that, wouldn't ya?
Well, yeah. I would rather not have a gun at dinner.
Well, we can agree to disagree.
This guy hunts. He gets it, huh?
Honey, I made your favorite... roast beef, medium rare.
Mom, you remembered.
Well, you know, for somebody who recently lost their memory,
Yours is pretty good.
Well, it, uh... it keeps coming back in pieces.
The doctor said eventually I should regain everything.
I'll bet they did.
So, what are your plans, Mom?
( Thunder crashing )
- ( gurgling ) - I am sorry. You were saying?
Well, now that you're back, what's your big plan?
Well, just try to get everything back to normal.
Kelly: Thank you.
Normal. Huh.
What's normal?
- Mm, family, work. - Work. Where?
- I'm an English teacher. - What grade?
- Tenth. - What's your favorite book?
"The Old Man and the Sea."
- Oh, so you like fishing? - I like fishing.
This ain't about you, Dad.
What are you waiting for? You know you want a piece of this.
Pablo, believe it or not,
the rude middle-aged man you brought
is kinda ruining my mom time.
( Buzzing )
Ash, you're wrong, I'm right.
Lay off. That's her real mom.
Well, can we get back to dinner
or, um, did you have some more questions for me?
Seriously.
Well, actually, just one more.
Oh, my God!
- Honey! - Holy shit!
- Mom. - Can you hear me?
Suzy. Suzy?
Honey. Oh, God.
What the fuck is wrong with you, huh?
How dare you? You come into our house,
we've got food and then, I mean...
Ash!
( Gasps )
Oh, good. I was starting to feel like a real dick.
H-honey?
(growling )
Don't touch her. That's not your wife!
( Screams )
Get down!
( Hisses )
I told you. A good shot to the face always gets the juices flowing.
(grunts ) Come on!
Let's tango, bitch!
( Hisses )
(gun clicks)
(growling )
( chain saw engine purring )
- Pablo, you okay? - Yeah.
I'm okay. Kelly. Where's Kelly? Kelly!
( Gasping )
- ( pops ) - ( Gasps, crying )
Ah. Mmm.
♪ Hush, little baby, don't say a word ♪
♪ Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird... ♪
Mom?
♪ And if that mockingbird don't sing ♪
♪ Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring. ♪
Mom?
What is happening?
( Thunder crashing )
Kelly, please.
( Sobbing ) Please help me.
I don't know what's going on.
You...
you killed Dad.
Oh, no. ( sobbing )
Oh, God.
I blacked out. I...
Oh, please. I think you can...
I think you can help me beat it.
I will. I will, Mommy.
I'll help you, I'll help you.
( Crashes )
You left dinner before Daddy excused you.
No, no, wait. Wait, look. She's fine, she's fine.
She's fighting it. We can save her.
It's too late for saving. Back off.
- No, no. - Baby, baby, it's okay.
- No. - Come here, come here.
Baby...
there was no accident.
I drove up that bridge on purpose...
( low voice ) ...to get away from you.
( Screaming )
Now the three of you will perish together.
Evil will walk the earth.
Yeah, well, your cooking was shit.
Oh!
Good night, Ashley.
( Hisses )
- Oh, fuck! Shit! - Kelly: No!
( Hisses )
(moaning )
( screaming )
Mom, please.
(growling )
Mom, please.
Ash! Ash, help us!
Time to die!
- No! - You got that right.
(growling )
( buzzing )
Good night, Mother.
( Head thuds )
'(whimpering ) ' ( Spits )
So, look, uh, I'm not a grief counselor,
but if it's any consolation,
I have had to kill and bury loved ones before.
A bunch of times, actually.
This evil...
it made me think my mom was alive,
killed my dad.
I hate whatever did this.
Yep. That was my takeaway, too.
Yeah, yeah, me, too. I also hate this Evil.
Ash, I'm not sorry that I took your book
to get you to come up here.
I'm not either.
Sometimes the whale needs his baitfish
to remind him of where he is in the ocean.
Or something like that. Anyway, thanks, Pablo.
Kelly, if you really hate what did this,
you should come with us.
Let's bring the fight to it.
I mean, I guess I don't know what else I would do.
Well, she shouldn't be alone right now.
Plus, you're kinda like a young me.
Deadites ruined your life, and you're hot as hell.
Okay, let's get to the bookstore
and hit the undo button on this B.S. once and for all.
You know they were Jewish, right?
I did not.
Wish you could've said something before I made those dumb crosses,
but... okay.
Whenever you're ready.
( Engine starts )
( creaking )
( music playing )
♪ Just a step, cried the sad man ♪
♪ Take a look down at the madman ♪
♪ Only fear breaks the silence ♪
♪ As we all kneel, pray for guidance ♪
♪ Tread the road, cross the abyss ♪
♪ Take a look down at the madness ♪
♪ On the streets of the city ♪
♪ Only specters still have pity ♪
♪ Patient queues for the gallows ♪
♪ Sing the praises of the hallowed ♪
♪ Our machines feed the furnace ♪
♪ If they take us, they will burn us... ♪